{"id":2770,"date":"2021-08-31T12:56:48","date_gmt":"2021-08-31T19:56:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2770"},"modified":"2021-08-31T12:56:50","modified_gmt":"2021-08-31T19:56:50","slug":"lazy-cows-demand-first-class-air-travel","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2770","title":{"rendered":"Lazy Cows Demand First Class Air Travel"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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CNN  \u0336 \n\u201cYour first source for bovine news\u201d  \u0336 \nreports that milk cows are buzzing over the skies of Switzerland thicker\nthan flies over an open latrine.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Okay, MAYBE I\u2019m exaggerating, but apparently Swiss dairy farmers routinely airlift about 1,000 cows down from summer grazing pastures each year.\u00a0 If a farmer thinks a cow is too sick, injured or pregnant to navigate the walk down the mountain, they arrange first class airfare. (Seriously, Google it!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am appalled\nby this for two reasons:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, I\ndon\u2019t buy that all these cows are disabled. \nHalf the people I see pulling into handicap parking spaces practically hop\nout of their car and skip into the Dollar Store.  If humans have a 50% fake rate, why would the\nbovine rate be any better?  Do cows possess\na greater sense of self-worth and dignity than humans?  Of course, they do!  We\u2019re pathetic!  But that doesn\u2019t mean there aren\u2019t plenty of lackadaisical,\ngood-for-nothing cows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second, I\u2019m\nconcerned about safety.  I watched the\nCNN video of these cows being hitched up and sent shooting off into the\nheavens, and I didn\u2019t see a single TSA agent screaming at it to take off its\nshoes OR remove its laptop from its briefcase. \nThe situation appeared to be ENTIRELY devoid of ANY preflight security\nscreening.  For all we know, Al-Qaeda\ncows have already penetrated the Swiss dairy system.  Run the numbers, people!  At 1000 cows a year, if only \u00bd a percent of\nthese \u201cso-called\u201d distressed milk cows are terrorists, that\u2019s five improvised\nexploding cows per year.  And will these\ncows remain in Switzerland?  Who knows?  One could end up living RIGHT NEXT TO\nYOU!  Now, I have gotten your attention?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s high\ntime that international authorities put a stop to this madness.  This luxurious first-class airfare for\nbovines must end.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or, heck, at\nleast make them fly coach.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

CNN  \u0336  \u201cYour first source for bovine news\u201d  \u0336  reports that milk cows are buzzing over the skies of Switzerland thicker than flies over an open latrine.  Okay, MAYBE I\u2019m exaggerating, but apparently Swiss dairy farmers routinely airlift about 1,000 cows down from summer grazing pastures each year.\u00a0 If a farmer thinks a cow is […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[1036,1037],"class_list":["post-2770","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-cow-humor","tag-funny-cow"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2770","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2770"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2770\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2774,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2770\/revisions\/2774"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2770"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2770"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2770"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}