{"id":2583,"date":"2021-01-08T14:18:51","date_gmt":"2021-01-08T22:18:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2583"},"modified":"2021-01-08T14:18:55","modified_gmt":"2021-01-08T22:18:55","slug":"oliver-the-cat-explains-why-he-refuses-to-drink-snapple","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2583","title":{"rendered":"Oliver the Cat Explains Why He Refuses to Drink Snapple"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"Oliver<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Like most patriotic\nAmericans, I only have a select number of trusted information sources.  The first is the Bible.  The second is the Encyclopedia Britannica.  And the third, of course, is Snapple.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Snapple always puts a \u201cReal Facts\u201d note underneath their bottle caps.\u00a0 The following is a sample of real “<\/em>Real Facts.” \u00a0(Sadly, I had to fix a glaring Snapple grammatical error.\u00a0 In that Snapple writer\u2019s defense, however, I must point out that this writer does<\/em> work for Snapple.)\u00a0 Here they are-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cA jiffy is\nan actual time measurement equaling 1\/100th<\/sup> of a second.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSlugs have\n4 noses.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAn\nalbatross can sleep while it flies.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHumor\nwriters are smarter and better looking than other writers.\u201d  (Okay, I made the last one up.  We are NOT better looking.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oliver the Cat and I have always enjoyed attending the College of Snapple and improving ourselves one artificially sweetened beverage at a time.\u00a0 Disturbingly, this recently came to a screeching halt.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The English language has any number of words to describe a group of particular animals.\u00a0 A group of ants, for example, is called an \u201carmy.\u201d\u00a0 A group of owls is called a \u201cparliament.\u201d\u00a0 A group of scratch-off lottery ticket players is called an \u201carmy of idiots.\u201d\u00a0 (The old saying is true – lotteries are <\/em>taxation on stupidity.)\u00a0 Hey, while we\u2019re on the subject, does anyone know what the PowerBall pot is up to this week?\u00a0 (Just kidding.)\u00a0 (Not really!<\/em>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In any event, Oliver the Cat took one look at today\u2019s Snapple cap and turned his face up to me with an expression of utter distain.\u00a0 He looked like he just ate a sour mouse.\u00a0 Here\u2019s the cap-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Clowder?  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We went\nstraight to Dictionary.com, and it was true! \nA bunch of cats is, indeed, called a \u201cclowder.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not many\npeople can interpret \u201ccat talk,\u201d but I can. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cClowder?  Seriously?\u201d Oliver asked me.  \u201cWhy not \u2018chowder?\u2019  I love chowder.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had to\nagree with Oliver.  I love chowder too.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It seems to me that a term like \u201cclowder\u201d should best be reserved for use in a monastery.\u00a0 \u00a0 Jocularious “Real Fact”: A group of nuns is called a \u201csuperfluity.\u201d\u00a0 Really.\u00a0 Google it.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can picture in my mind\u2019s eye a superfluity of nuns feeding a large can of tuna to a clowder of monastery cats.\u00a0 The word just feels right in the Catholic context.\u00a0 And by \u201cCatholic context,\u201d I mean an overwhelming sense of guilt and a good ruler whack on the knuckles.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But Oliver\nthe Cat is a protestant.  This whole \u201cclowder\u201d\nthing just didn\u2019t sit right with him.  In\nthe end, and after much consideration, Oliver decided his best course of\naction.  Oliver now \u201cidentifies\u201d as a\ncrow.  Why?  Because a group of crows is called a\n\u201cmurder.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s\nright,\u201d says Oliver the Cat, \u201cI\u2019m part of a murder.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Like most patriotic Americans, I only have a select number of trusted information sources.  The first is the Bible.  The second is the Encyclopedia Britannica.  And the third, of course, is Snapple.    Snapple always puts a \u201cReal Facts\u201d note underneath their bottle caps.\u00a0 The following is a sample of real “Real Facts.” \u00a0(Sadly, I […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1997,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[766,1001,1002],"class_list":["post-2583","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-cat-humor","tag-clowder-humor","tag-snapple-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/Oliver-in-Repose.jpeg?fit=3088%2C1613&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2583","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2583"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2583\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2592,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2583\/revisions\/2592"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1997"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2583"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2583"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2583"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}