{"id":257,"date":"2014-02-13T06:42:25","date_gmt":"2014-02-13T14:42:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=257"},"modified":"2018-05-08T20:31:33","modified_gmt":"2018-05-09T03:31:33","slug":"tips-lying-lesson-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=257","title":{"rendered":"Tips for Lying – Lesson 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Final<\/a><\/b><\/p>\n

Every major civilization and religion throughout history has frowned on lying.\u00a0 And I wholeheartedly agreed – generally speaking<\/i>, that is.\u00a0 Nevertheless, I was taught that if you are going to do something, do it well.\u00a0 Take pride in it.\u00a0 Give it 100%.\u00a0 It is in this spirit, we begin Lesson 1.<\/p>\n

Whether you are 14 or 40, few skills are more important than effectively lying to your parents.\u00a0 Remember, not everything is about you<\/i>.\u00a0 Not everything is about your <\/i>needs.\u00a0 There are times when you need to put your parents\u2019 wellbeing ahead of your own.\u00a0 Is it really going to do them any good to know the real reason you didn\u2019t get home until 3:00 a.m.?\u00a0 Do they really need that kind of aggravation?\u00a0 I\u2019m not saying you should lie often, but the occasional white lie, or fib<\/i> as it were, has its place. \u00a0Think of it this way \u2013 it\u2019s a win-win.<\/p>\n

Tip #1.\u00a0 When concocting a whopper designed to relieve you from attending school for the day, attention to detail is critical.\u00a0 For example, never feign illness by simply saying: I think I got food poisoning. \u00a0While food poisoning is an excellent choice of illness, because unlike the flu, you can announce later in the day that you have recovered and go out with friends, the lie lacks the necessary specificity.\u00a0 Your parents are far more likely to believe you, and grant you that much needed day off, if you say instead: I think I got food poisoning from the expired Tuna Helper I ate last night<\/i>.\u00a0 This statement directs your parent\u2019s attention away from you, and to the Tuna Helper.\u00a0 And even if they don\u2019t think the Tuna Helper is the culprit, they will immediately begin painstakingly cataloging everything you\u2019ve eaten in the last 24 hours.\u00a0 The key is to get them thinking about anything other than you, and how completely un-food-poisoned you appear.\u00a0 And also why all your dramatic retching, to put it bluntly, isn\u2019t producing any actual vomit-like substances.<\/p>\n

Tip #2. You may have heard the old adage that the three most important things in buying real estate are location, location, location.\u00a0 A similar principle applies to the delicate art of lying.\u00a0 Please write this down: \u201cDeny, deny, deny.\u201d\u00a0 Practical examples:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. You are confronted with three eye witnesses accusing you of lying?\u00a0 Deny<\/i>, and state emphatically and without hesitation, \u201cThey must really hate me.\u201d<\/li>\n
  2. You are confronted with incontrovertible video recorded evidence that you are lying?\u00a0 Deny<\/i>, and say while scratching your chin in contemplation, \u201cWow, I guess they really can doctor any electronic recording these days.\u201d<\/li>\n
  3. You are confronted with DNA evidence linking you to the scene of a crime?\u00a0 Deny<\/i>, and reveal your darkest secret, \u201cI have an identical twin who was stolen at birth.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Homework (due prior to our next lesson):<\/p>\n

    Develop and successfully implement a detailed<\/i> and believable lie which gets you out of attending an unpleasant family function, such as visiting Great Aunt Jennie at the old folks\u2019 home.\u00a0 Note: Up to half credit available if you are caught lying, but effectively deny it.<\/p>\n

    Next lesson:\u00a0 Tried and true methods to land your dream job by lying on your resume.\u00a0 Bonus material: How to expand on that lie during your interview.<\/p>\n

    Thank you for enrolling in this course!\u00a0 Trust me, these techniques really do work.\u00a0 Would I lie to you?<\/p>\n

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    ______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Check out these great books for gifts:<\/p>\n

    The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> at \u2013<\/p>\n

    https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/p>\n

    Seven Rules for the College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

    https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/p>\n

    Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n

    https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Every major civilization and religion throughout history has frowned on lying.\u00a0 And I wholeheartedly agreed – generally speaking, that is.\u00a0 Nevertheless, I was taught that if you are going to do something, do it well.\u00a0 Take pride in it.\u00a0 Give it 100%.\u00a0 It is in this spirit, we begin Lesson 1. Whether you are 14 […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[199,6,200,7,201],"class_list":["post-257","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-lying","tag-parenting","tag-school","tag-teenagers","tag-tuna-helper"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/257","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=257"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/257\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1284,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/257\/revisions\/1284"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=257"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=257"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=257"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}