{"id":2568,"date":"2020-12-31T10:39:00","date_gmt":"2020-12-31T18:39:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2568"},"modified":"2020-12-31T10:39:04","modified_gmt":"2020-12-31T18:39:04","slug":"how-you-can-achieve-100-success-with-your-new-years-resolution-no-kidding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2568","title":{"rendered":"How You Can Achieve 100% Success With Your New Year’s Resolution (No kidding)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Virtually\nevery American, (99.6%), make a New Year\u2019s resolution, and 99.5% of those\nresolutions are about their weight.  Sadly,\na mere 36 hours later, 99.4% of these doe-eyed hopefuls are plopped on a couch\npolishing off a quart of Ben and Jerry\u2019s \u201cChubby Hubby\u201d ice cream.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lucky for\nyou, I\u2019m here to help.  Why?  Because the Jocularious official motto is: \u201cPractical\nadvice on matters that matter in matters important to its loyal readers.\u201d  (All three of them.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The key to a good New Year\u2019s resolution is to make sure it is one you can achieve.\u00a0 When it comes to resolutions related to weight, go with the percentages.\u00a0 For example, ask yourself, am I better at losing weight, or gaining weight?\u00a0 Ask yourself, am I better at planning to exercise, or actually <\/em>exercising?\u00a0 Be honest with yourself.\u00a0 Focus.\u00a0 Where have you demonstrated a consistent and longstanding record of success?\u00a0 Where have you excelled?\u00a0 It’s that simple.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have used\nthis formula for years, and based on my record of success, here are my New\nYear\u2019s resolutions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Gain\nbetween five and 10 pounds by Thanksgiving of 2021.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Complete,\nat a minimum<\/em>, three network television reality series.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Tell\nmyself at least once of week<\/em>, that I should get my fat a** off the couch\nand go exercise (and really <\/em>mean it\u2026 at that moment).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t want to brag, but I have maintained an impeccable 100% success rate using this formula.\u00a0 I\u2019m even thinking about writing a book titled, New Year\u2019s Resolutions: Your Path to Success, If Not Longevity<\/strong><\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I understand that many of you may be skeptical of this method.\u00a0 But here is the real test – where the rubber meets the road, so to speak.\u00a0 I don\u2019t just talk the talk.\u00a0 I walk the walk.\u00a0 So, I will take all comers.\u00a0 Put your three New Year\u2019s resolutions up against mine, and on Thanksgiving Day, 2021, we\u2019ll compare. \u00a0Here is my prediction:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is a\n99.4% chance that when we meet to compare our success, I\u2019ll be sitting on my\ncouch polishing off a quart of Chubby Hubby and raising my spoon in victory. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Virtually every American, (99.6%), make a New Year\u2019s resolution, and 99.5% of those resolutions are about their weight.  Sadly, a mere 36 hours later, 99.4% of these doe-eyed hopefuls are plopped on a couch polishing off a quart of Ben and Jerry\u2019s \u201cChubby Hubby\u201d ice cream. Lucky for you, I\u2019m here to help.  Why?  Because […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2575,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[999,1000],"class_list":["post-2568","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-new-years-resolution-humor","tag-weight-loss-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/2021-Ink.jpg?fit=1844%2C1547&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2568","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2568"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2568\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2582,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2568\/revisions\/2582"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2575"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2568"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2568"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2568"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}