{"id":2535,"date":"2020-12-11T13:20:29","date_gmt":"2020-12-11T21:20:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2535"},"modified":"2020-12-11T13:20:34","modified_gmt":"2020-12-11T21:20:34","slug":"the-final-sign-that-the-world-is-ending-has-arrived","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2535","title":{"rendered":"The Final Sign That The World Is Ending Has Arrived"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

The final sign\nthat the world is ending has arrived.  The\nfirst sign, of course, was World War II. \nThe second sign was the \u201cGreat Plague,\u201d which we call the Coronavirus\nPandemic.  And now, at long last, the\nfinal sign is here.  You have seen this\nsign all around you, both in print and on television.  It says: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe McRIB\nis Back!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It seems fitting\nthat a soulless multinational corporation is the one to break the news.  As it turns out, the world will not end in one\ntriumphant explosion of light and energy, but rather, incrementally – one heart\nattack at a time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Speaking of heart\nfailure, what is that goop-coated cylinder inside the McRIB bun?  It\u2019s not a rib.  Just what part of the pig is it?  Do they really use ALL parts of the pig?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While we\u2019re\non the subject, have you noticed that the media has announced the end of the Coronavirus\nPandemic?  Of course, they didn\u2019t come\nright out and say it exactly<\/em> like that. \nThey were more subtle.  They simply\nmoved on to begin warning us of a new<\/em> \u201cworld ending\u201d crisis.  In this case, for example, CNN announced the\nCoronavirus Pandemic is over with the headline (this is a REAL headline): \u201cAn\ninvasive species of giant lizard has been making its way through the Southeast.\u201d  Below this headline, they added a picture of\na creature that looks like it starred in Jurassic Park.  Here it is racing toward your doorstep:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

The tagline\nbelow the picture reads: \u201cThe black and white tegu lizard has few predators and\ncan reproduce quickly.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to the crack CNN investigative journalist, the lizard can grow up to four feet long.\u00a0 To prevent the reader from becoming too alarmed (I mean who wants a four-foot-long lizard quickly reproducing in their backyard), the article includes the consoling statement, \u201cTegus do not pose a large threat to humans, but they can bite.\u201d\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since CNN loves\nto \u201cfact check\u201d everything these days, I felt the need to fact check their \u201cdo\nnot pose a large threat\u201d statement.  Here\nit is:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Doesn\u2019t\nwhether this giant lizard pose a large threat depend on where<\/em> it bites a\nperson?  For example, I\u2019m sure we can all\nagree that it does<\/em> pose a \u201clarge threat\u201d if it bites a guy directly on his\nMcRIB.  <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The final sign that the world is ending has arrived.  The first sign, of course, was World War II.  The second sign was the \u201cGreat Plague,\u201d which we call the Coronavirus Pandemic.  And now, at long last, the final sign is here.  You have seen this sign all around you, both in print and on […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2536,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[993,994,992,696,990,996],"class_list":["post-2535","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-end-of-the-world-humor","tag-ending-times-humor","tag-fast-food-humor","tag-mcdonalds-humor","tag-mcrib-humor","tag-tegu-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/McRIB.jpeg?fit=1402%2C1175&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2535","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2535"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2535\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2544,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2535\/revisions\/2544"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2536"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2535"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2535"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2535"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}