{"id":2507,"date":"2020-11-28T19:43:52","date_gmt":"2020-11-29T03:43:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2507"},"modified":"2020-11-28T19:43:56","modified_gmt":"2020-11-29T03:43:56","slug":"how-bigfoot-can-save-oregon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2507","title":{"rendered":"How Bigfoot Can Save Oregon"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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I grew up in Alsea, Oregon.\u00a0 My friend Michael McCowan and I spent 27 hours a day wandering around in the woods, and we kept our eyes peeled because we figured there was always a chance we might stumble across a bigfoot. \u00a0We weren\u2019t stupid.\u00a0 We knew there was no guarantee<\/em> we\u2019d see one.\u00a0 In fact, if you asked us to give you odds, we\u2019d probably give you a really conservative estimate – something like only 75%.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the bigfoot documentary was released in 1970, Michael\u2019s parents drove us over the mountain to the Whiteside Theatre in Corvallis for the big event.\u00a0 We wanted to be first in line.\u00a0 FINALLY – confirmation of bigfoot\u2019s existence! Such sweet vindication over our many foolish naysayers.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The movie gave us all the more reason to keep our heads on a swivel when we were in the woods.\u00a0 Keep in mind that we were always armed with BB guns, but bigfoot looked ginormous in that movie – even though we only got to see him for moment in the very blurry distance.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fast forward\nto present day Oregon.  We have a state\ncapital chock full of politicians with champagne taste and a beer budget.  The Beaver State is broke with a capital\nB.  Our current slate of political leaders\ncan\u2019t run their own lives let alone an entire state.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do you\nremember that class in the seventh grade where you learn how to manage your household\nbudget?  You\u2019re assigned an imaginary monthly\nincome, and then you have to create a budget within that amount?  Oregon\u2019s political leaders missed school that\nday.  In fact, if the US government let\nstates print money, Oregon would immediately have its printing presses spinning\nat top speed.  After three days, you\u2019d\nneed a wheelbarrow of it to buy a glass of water. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In short, things\nlook bleak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is where bigfoot can help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

California has\nDisneyland pouring millions of dollars into the state\u2019s coffers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tennessee\u2019s\nDollywood adds millions to the Volunteer State\u2019s tax base.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And, of course, Louisiana has Gator World which creates tens of dollars in tax revenue.\u00a0 Just kidding, Gator World!\u00a0 Last year alone, Gator World was responsible for generating HUNDREDS of dollars in tax revenue.\u00a0 Just kidding again!\u00a0 Really! When I go to bed tonight, please don’t let me find an alligator fluffing my pillow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is why Oregon\nneeds Bigfoot World!  A comprehensive\nbigfoot bonanza \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bigfoot\nRollercoaster<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bigfoot Lazy\nRiver<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bigfoot Hotel\nand Casino<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bigfoot elephant ears (We’ll call them Bigfoot ears!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All we need\nto do is go take pictures of Disneyland\u2019s most popular attractions and then put\nthe word \u2018bigfoot\u2019 in front of everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I have\njust the location to make Bigfoot World a HUGE success.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alsea!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why Alsea, you ask?\u00a0 Because when tourists come to visit, there is, conservatively speaking, a 75% chance they\u2019ll see a real bigfoot!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I grew up in Alsea, Oregon.\u00a0 My friend Michael McCowan and I spent 27 hours a day wandering around in the woods, and we kept our eyes peeled because we figured there was always a chance we might stumble across a bigfoot. \u00a0We weren\u2019t stupid.\u00a0 We knew there was no guarantee we\u2019d see one.\u00a0 In […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2513,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[986,987],"class_list":["post-2507","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-bigfoot-humor","tag-sasquatch-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/Bigfoot-1.png?fit=912%2C765&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2507","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2507"}],"version-history":[{"count":17,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2507\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2526,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2507\/revisions\/2526"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2513"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2507"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2507"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2507"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}