{"id":240,"date":"2014-01-09T08:18:49","date_gmt":"2014-01-09T16:18:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=240"},"modified":"2018-05-08T20:38:38","modified_gmt":"2018-05-09T03:38:38","slug":"all-of-the-people-all-of-the-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=240","title":{"rendered":"All of the People, All of the Time"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Three<\/a><\/p>\n

My bucket list is fairly short.\u00a0 My number one item, of course, is the same as yours \u2013 to enter the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest in New York.\u00a0 In fact, not only to enter it, but win it.\u00a0 The record is 68 hot dogs in ten minutes.\u00a0 Child\u2019s play.\u00a0 The number two item on my list is to interview three people.\u00a0 No\u2026\u2026 Not any<\/i> three people.\u00a0 Three people whose audacity has left me speechless.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t help my quest that I don\u2019t know their names.\u00a0 So I am calling on YOU, my millions of loyal readers, to help me identify them.\u00a0 I want to interview them for a Jocularious.com column before Scott Pelley or that sniveling Piers Morgan get their talons into them.<\/p>\n

First is the guy who cooked up the idea of slapping an \u201cL\u201d on a Toyota and calling it a Lexis.\u00a0 Then tacking $10,000 onto the price of a Camry.\u00a0 I want to hire that guy.\u00a0 They probably have a bronze bust of him at Toyota headquarters in Japan.\u00a0 Possibly a shrine.<\/p>\n

Next is the guy who concocted the scheme to reduce the time teenagers have to return merchandise.\u00a0 Here\u2019s the scoop.\u00a0 My teenage daughter recently forced me at gun point to take her to the mall.\u00a0 She wanted some stuff from Forever 21.\u00a0 After running my card, the Forever 21 clerk asked, \u201cAre you familiar with our return policy?\u201d\u00a0 (FYI, the phrase \u201cAre you familiar with our return policy?\u201d is code for \u201cWe have a really crappy return policy.\u201d)\u00a0 My daughter turned to me (which is, as I\u2019m sure you can understand, terribly embarrassing for her in public) and explained, \u201cIt\u2019s 21 days.\u00a0 Get it?\u00a0 Forever 21?\u00a0 Twenty-one days?\u201d\u00a0 Yeah, cute.\u00a0 A really cute way to shave 7 days off a more reasonable 30 day period.<\/p>\n

The last guy is the one who came up with charging airline passengers to check a bag.\u00a0 Not a second bag, any bag.\u00a0 The first bag!<\/i>\u00a0 When he first suggested this in the boardroom, he probably got threatened with immediate beheading.\u00a0 Picture the chairman\u2019s reaction, \u201cLook, Mr. [Fill-in-the-blank], our customers are travelers.\u00a0 With the exception of an occasional Al-Qaeda suicide bomber, they all have luggage.\u201d\u00a0 But this \u201cthink outside the box\u201d, \u201cthe customer be damned\u201d pioneer did it by golly.\u00a0 He reached for the stars and achieved the laughably absurd.\u00a0 He is probably the same guy who later decided to charge extra for an aisle or window seat in coach<\/i>.\u00a0 The real mystery is why the airlines haven\u2019t added a \u201cconvenience fee\u201d for that smelly seat conveniently located right next to the toilet.\u00a0 Why they\u2019re still giving ice away is a mystery to me.\u00a0 And how about that free reading spotlight?<\/p>\n

So people, send me these people\u2019s names as soon as possible.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure Scott Pelley and Piers Morgan have their media bloodhounds out sniffing around for them as we speak.\u00a0 I need to scratch this item off my bucket list, so I can dive into that stack of 69 Nathan\u2019s Famous Hot Dogs!<\/b><\/p>\n

Please take a moment to share!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Click here on Jocularious.com<\/a> to access Facebook, Twitter and other \u201cshare\u201d buttons. Earn good karma!<\/p>\n

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It\u2019s free and easy, and Jocularious will arrive in your inbox each week.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a Three Minute Vacation for your Brain<\/em>.<\/p>\n

______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

Check out these great books for gifts:<\/p>\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> at \u2013<\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/p>\n

Seven Rules for the College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/p>\n

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/p>\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My bucket list is fairly short.\u00a0 My number one item, of course, is the same as yours \u2013 to enter the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest in New York.\u00a0 In fact, not only to enter it, but win it.\u00a0 The record is 68 hot dogs in ten minutes.\u00a0 Child\u2019s play.\u00a0 The number two item […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[20,21,169,175,177,176,173,170,172,171,174],"class_list":["post-240","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-air-travel","tag-airlines","tag-bucket-list","tag-camry","tag-consumers","tag-forever-21","tag-lexis","tag-nathans-famous","tag-piers-morgan","tag-scott-pelley","tag-toyota"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/240","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=240"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/240\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1288,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/240\/revisions\/1288"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=240"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=240"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=240"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}