{"id":2390,"date":"2020-09-20T19:04:07","date_gmt":"2020-09-21T02:04:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2390"},"modified":"2020-09-20T19:04:20","modified_gmt":"2020-09-21T02:04:20","slug":"attention-shoppers-prior-to-driving-away-please-remove-your-grocery-bag-from-the-roof-of-your-car","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2390","title":{"rendered":"Attention Shoppers: Prior to Driving Away, Please Remove Your Grocery Bag From the Roof of Your Car"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

No, I didn\u2019t make it all the way home with my grocery bag on top of my car, but I darn well gave it my best!\u00a0 I am many things, but I AM NOT A QUITTER! When I got home, I put the bag back on top to memorialize my stupidity for posterity<\/em>, and, of course, for you, my loyal readers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not every day that you are driving along, and people begin pointing and shouting at you.\u00a0 That said, I do live in Oregon, and if you\u2019ve been watching footage of the riots, for a brief moment, I thought they might be singling me out because I can\u2019t afford to pay for everyone\u2019s college tuition.\u00a0 Call me old fashioned, but the decision to get a degree in Philosophy of Interpretive Dance is on you (and your parents).\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now back to\neveryone yelling at me \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another driver finally rolled down her window and yelled to me that I had left a bag on the roof of my car.\u00a0 Thankfully, I retrieved it, and what little was left of my dignity, before I had powered up to highway speeds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am blaming either President Trump or China for this.\u00a0 Whoever is ultimately found responsible for the Covid-19 chaos here in the U.S.\u00a0 As a result of [insert Trump or China], after I go shopping, and before I get into my car, I reach in for the hand sanitizer and clean my hands before I climb in.\u00a0 Yes, I know this is a little neurotic for someone who routinely extends the five second rule for food that falls on the ground to a more reasonable ten seconds.\u00a0 However, apparently, if I don\u2019t do this, every grandmother in the Western Continental United States will expire before midnight.\u00a0 And, as someone raised Catholic, I\u2019ve already got enough guilt to deal with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t want to complicate things, but it\u2019s possible that some of the blame also falls on Ruth Bader Ginsburg, or the \u201cNotorious RBG,\u201d as she is referred to in certain circles.\u00a0 How could she carry some of the blame, you ask?\u00a0 She died!\u00a0 And now my brain is scrambled from the tsunami sized waves of hypocrisy emanated from Washington D.C.\u00a0 The Republicans and Democrats have LITERALLY switched their positions 180 degrees from 2016 on whether the Senate should confirm a Supreme Court nominee in an election year.\u00a0 If you hooked any of them up to a polygraph machine, the machine wouldn\u2019t just start to smoke \u2013 It would EXPLODE!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, there you have it.\u00a0 Yes, I did drive away with my grocery bag on top of my car, but it was not my fault. It was the fault of [insert – Trump, China, or THE NOTORIOUS RBG], depending on who you feel should pay for your neighbor\u2019s tuition.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

No, I didn\u2019t make it all the way home with my grocery bag on top of my car, but I darn well gave it my best!\u00a0 I am many things, but I AM NOT A QUITTER! When I got home, I put the bag back on top to memorialize my stupidity for posterity, and, of […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2391,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[975,846],"class_list":["post-2390","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-grocery-humor","tag-shopping-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/Bag-on-Roof.jpeg?fit=2049%2C1718&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2390","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2390"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2390\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2401,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2390\/revisions\/2401"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2391"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2390"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2390"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2390"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}