{"id":2284,"date":"2020-07-24T19:00:18","date_gmt":"2020-07-25T02:00:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2284"},"modified":"2020-08-04T09:23:10","modified_gmt":"2020-08-04T16:23:10","slug":"one-of-these-two-guys-seriously","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2284","title":{"rendered":"The United States Hones Down Its Choice To The Two Smartest and Most Moral Men In The Country"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

This week in\npresidential campaign news:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the Joe\nBiden front \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Speaking\nthrough the drainpipe from his basement, Biden read a prepared statement to the\ndelight of salivating news reporters hovered in his yard above.  Biden ended his remarks by anticipating reporters\u2019\nquestions, though not taking any questions. \nHe gently questioned the wisdom of peaceful protesters plans to loot and\nburn down the US Capital.  He stopped\nshort, however, of criticizing the plan. \nHe concluded by saying that he would understand it if the Capital were burnt\nto a crisp and left in a steaming, smoking pile of rubble.  He finished his remarks by saying, \u201cOur great\ncountry was founded upon the principles of this type of peaceful protest.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A surrogate for the Biden camp defended Biden\u2019s policy to remain cloistered in his basement. The surrogate stated to reporters, \u201cPlease do not allow yourselves to fall victim to the right-wing taking point that Joe Biden is hiding in his basement.  Joe has been trying to leave his basement for weeks.  This is NOT his fault.  It\u2019s just that he can\u2019t find the door.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the\nDonald Trump front \u2013 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Trump campaign decided this week to apply the, \u201cIf you can\u2019t beat them, join them,\u201d policy.  Trump took direct aim with yet another memorable quote, \u201cI have a basement too!  And my basement is bigger, much, MUCH, bigger, than Joe Biden\u2019s.  I could host a regulation NFL game in my basement.  It\u2019s that big!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trump surrogates spent the balance of the week defending Trump\u2019s claim by emailing diagrams of the White House basement to reporters overlaid with a sketch of the Dallas Cowboy\u2019s AT&T Stadium.  They conceded that the height of the basement\u2019s ceiling would prevent field goals but were otherwise unapologetic. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

With just\nover 100 days until the election, the two warring camps continue to pound away\nat one another.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meanwhile, a\nspokesperson for newly announced presidential candidate Kanye West released a\nstatement saying that the West campaign was scheduled to release a diagram of Kanye\u2019s\nbasement by the end of next week.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This week in presidential campaign news: On the Joe Biden front \u2013 Speaking through the drainpipe from his basement, Biden read a prepared statement to the delight of salivating news reporters hovered in his yard above.  Biden ended his remarks by anticipating reporters\u2019 questions, though not taking any questions.  He gently questioned the wisdom of […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2287,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2284","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/Trump-Biden.png?fit=1047%2C547&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2284","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2284"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2284\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2354,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2284\/revisions\/2354"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2287"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2284"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2284"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2284"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}