{"id":2245,"date":"2020-07-03T17:26:45","date_gmt":"2020-07-04T00:26:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2245"},"modified":"2020-07-04T10:38:11","modified_gmt":"2020-07-04T17:38:11","slug":"study-finds-middle-aged-men-believe-hawaiian-shirts-hide-their-bulging-bellies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2245","title":{"rendered":"Study Finds Middle-Aged Men Actually Believe Hawaiian Shirts Hide Their Bulging Bellies"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

All of us remember when we found out Santa Claus wasn\u2019t real.  It was a devastating blow.  This was despite our suspecting as much for some time.  I suffered a similar blow yesterday.  My wife patted me on the stomach, over my beautiful Hawaiian shirt, and told me POINT BLANK, \u201cYour stomach\u2019s sticking out.\u201d  Suddenly, my space-time continuum began spinning.  My belief that my size large Hawaiian shirt cloaked my torso, thus rendering my belly invisible, vanished in an instant.  I was speechless.  (Which, for those who know me, is inconceivable.)  Of course, my wife loves me, so you may assume she said this in a sensitive and nonjudgmental manner.  Your assumption would be wrong.  She absolutely<\/em> said it in a judgmental manner!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, because\nI mentioned Santa, I must momentarily deviate from my topic to share something\nI heard awhile back.  Get ready to take\nnotes, \u201cThis is gold, Jerry.  Gold!\u201d  Here it is:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are\nthree stages in life.  First, you believe\nin Santa.  Second, you do not believe in\nSanta.  And, third, you ARE Santa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I love this, and I never get tired of repeating it..<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, as amusing as that Santa comment may be, it doesn\u2019t do anything for my belly. So back to the protruding subject at hand –<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife\nfurther gently offered me a piece of loving advice: \u201cYou\u2019re going to have to\nstarve yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a result, I am now forced to accept that my Hawaiian shirts do not possess the power I had once believed.  On-the-other-hand, this awakening came with some relief.  Like Adam and Eve eating the apple, I was no longer living in ignorance.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all see the guy with the comb-over and ask ourselves, \u201cDoes he really<\/em> think he\u2019s fooling anyone, and people don\u2019t know he\u2019s bald.\u201d  And we all know that \u201cfull-figured\u201d women like to wear clothes with vertical stripes because they create a slimmer image.  I was finally free to embrace MY reality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I took my\nbeautiful wife\u2019s constructive comments to heart, and I took IMMEDIATE action \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to Amazon Prime, my new EXTRA-large Hawaiian shirts arrive tomorrow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

All of us remember when we found out Santa Claus wasn\u2019t real.  It was a devastating blow.  This was despite our suspecting as much for some time.  I suffered a similar blow yesterday.  My wife patted me on the stomach, over my beautiful Hawaiian shirt, and told me POINT BLANK, \u201cYour stomach\u2019s sticking out.\u201d  Suddenly, […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2253,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[955,700],"class_list":["post-2245","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-hawaiian-shirt-humor","tag-hawaiian-shirts"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/Hawaiian-Shirts.jpeg?fit=4032%2C2107&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2245","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2245"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2245\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2262,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2245\/revisions\/2262"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2253"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2245"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2245"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2245"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}