{"id":2233,"date":"2020-06-28T15:14:56","date_gmt":"2020-06-28T22:14:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2233"},"modified":"2020-06-28T20:30:11","modified_gmt":"2020-06-29T03:30:11","slug":"if-facemasks-dont-pass-the-fart-test-why-are-we-wearing-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2233","title":{"rendered":"If Facemasks Don’t Pass the “Fart Test,” Why Are We Wearing them?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

My daughter gave me a beautiful Reyn Spooner mask for Fathers\u2019 Day.  Yes, as disturbing as it is, you can now buy a designer facemask.  I\u2019ve been a collector of Reyn Spooner Hawaiian shirts for years, and she knew I would love one of their new facemasks.  And she was right!  (Thank you, Zoe!)  It didn\u2019t surprise me that Reyn Spooner was now making facemasks, I imagine many clothes designers are jumping on the bandwagon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What does\nsurprise me is that we bother to wear them in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember when the Surgeon General emphatically announced that wearing facemasks might do more harm than good?  He said studies proved this.  He said that when people wear facemasks they tended to constantly touch their faces adjusting them.  And America’s Sweetheart, Dr. Fauci, backed him up?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, five seconds later, Dr. Fauci is marching around with a facemask telling us that we\u2019re all going to kill grandma if we don\u2019t wear one AT ALL TIMES  \u0336  even when we\u2019re alone on the toilet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sounds like good\nscience to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wear a mask when I\u2019m in a store.  Mainly because I don\u2019t want to freak anyone out, AND, more importantly, so I don’t have some psycho attack me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One reason I remain skeptical is that my brother recently told me about the \u201cFart Test.\u201d\u00a0 In truth, it should be called a \u201cFart Declaration.\u201d\u00a0 Here it is:\u00a0 \u201cIf someone farts, and that fart travels past their cheeks, through a layer of cotton underwear, then through a thick layer of denim jeans, and everybody in the room smells it within moments, how in the world is a thin cotton mask going to do anything?\u201d\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Point.  Set. \nMatch.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, I wear a\nmask to be polite.  ESPECIALLY, if it\u2019s a\nbeautiful Reyn Spooner mask.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But this got me thinking.  I\u2019ve seen a lot of masks for sale, but I haven\u2019t seen one yet that meets the needs of a  very special percentage of the population.  I am speaking, of course, of those folks who wear their masks UNDER their noses.  Yes, those geniuses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CRITICAL WARNING: Do NOT steal my brilliant idea!  I\u2019m going to license my new invention to Reyn Spooner and get them into production ASAP.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is a prototype  \u0336  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I also have an idea to market them.\u00a0 You know those guys who don\u2019t park between the lines?\u00a0 (I ranted about them a few months ago.)\u00a0 Well, we send sales agents into parking lots to find these guys and sell them a \u201cnose free\u201d mask.\u00a0 I am certain these are the same people.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m also going to send one to Dr. Fauci.  If history is any lesson, it\u2019s a coin toss on\nwhether he decides to wear one himself.  <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My daughter gave me a beautiful Reyn Spooner mask for Fathers\u2019 Day.  Yes, as disturbing as it is, you can now buy a designer facemask.  I\u2019ve been a collector of Reyn Spooner Hawaiian shirts for years, and she knew I would love one of their new facemasks.  And she was right!  (Thank you, Zoe!)  It […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2234,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[897,954,952,953],"class_list":["post-2233","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-coronavirus-humor","tag-dr-fauci-humor","tag-facemask-humor","tag-reyn-spooner-facemask"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Reyn-Spooner-Facemask.jpeg?fit=4032%2C2107&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2233","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2233"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2233\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2242,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2233\/revisions\/2242"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2234"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2233"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2233"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2233"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}