{"id":2180,"date":"2020-05-16T01:36:27","date_gmt":"2020-05-16T08:36:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2180"},"modified":"2020-05-16T01:36:32","modified_gmt":"2020-05-16T08:36:32","slug":"cornhole-not-just-for-drunken-tailgaters-anymore","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2180","title":{"rendered":"Cornhole: Not Just For Drunken Tailgaters Anymore"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

To\nparaphrase a recent observation by podcaster, and self-described \u201cC-list\u201d\ncelebrity, Adam Carolla: A pandemic lockdown is like a prison sentence.  You can emerge from it with either a draft of\nthe next Great American Novel, or a forehead tattoo and a raging case of\nherpes.  It\u2019s your choice.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I decided to\ntake Adam\u2019s advice.  Here were my\noptions: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Remodeling\nthe master bathroom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Learning\nto play the piano.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Learning\nto speak Italian.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After careful\nconsideration, I finally made up my mind:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I would choose\n4. \u2013 Mastering the game of \u201cCornhole.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve been\ntold more than once that I was blessed with the perfect physique to play Cornhole.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most folks\nhave at least seen the game.  Each player\ntakes a turn trying to toss a beanbag 27 feet into the \u201ccornhole\u201d of the game board.  Strongly suggested, but not officially<\/em>\nrequired, is that a player gets half-drunk prior to the game.  Crocs are the official footwear of Cornhole. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I bought my\nCrocs during a recent visit to Vietnam. \nI thought I got a real bargain, but back at the hotel I looked them over\nmore closely.  I discovered that I had\nactually purchased a pair of \u201cCroaks.\u201d \nCroaks are essentially identical Crocs, just minus the quality and\ncomfort.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The game of\nCornhole presents a number of challenges, not the least of which is the name,\n\u201cCornhole.\u201d  To put it mildly, the name\nis rather off-putting.  In fact, if you\ntell someone your favorite pastime is cornholing, odds are they\u2019ll look at you\nfunny.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You might be\nsurprised to learn (I swear this is true, you can look it up) that there is an\nAmerican Cornhole Association, ACA for short. \n(Not to be confused with the American Cornhole Organization, or ACO \u2013\nLook it up!)  The ACA\u2019s website touts\nthat it is, \u201cThe Original and Official Governing Body of Cornhole.\u201d  Take that, ACO!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m proud to\nannounce that my hours in lockdown practicing Cornhole have yielded impressive\nresults.  In fact, I developed my own\nspecial Cornhole technique.  It\u2019s a five-step\nprocess.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step One \u2013 \u201cBe\nthe bag.\u201d  (The alternative is to, \u201cbe\nthe hole.\u201d  Let\u2019s not go there). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step Two \u2013 Lower\nyourself into a squat-like position, much like an orangutan preparing to toss a\nhandful of his finest at a zoo visitor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step Three \u2013\nSwing the bag in a reverse arc, mimicking Joe Pesci\u2019s character in the movie Casino,\nwhen he stabs that guy in the bar who was insulting Robert De Niro.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step Four \u2013 Release\nthe bag and watch it lift gracefully, rotate (almost in slow motion), and then\ndescend \u201cspot on\u201d over your neighbor\u2019s fence. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step Five \u2013 Scream,\n\u201cDamn it!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My daughter has\nbeen playing the game with me.  She takes\noffense with anyone calling Cornhole a sport. \nShe argues that any game you can win while simultaneously holding a 16\nounce can of Pabst Blue Ribbon and pulling a draw off a Marlboro dangling from\nthe corner of your mouth, should not be labelled a sport.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had to\ndisagree with her.  You know how we all\nbecome experts at the floor exercise during the Olympics every four years?  You know how the judges factor in the \u201cdegree\nof difficulty\u201d?  Exactly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If Cornhole fails to be named an official sport in the next Olympics, it will be an outrage.  I will take it upon myself to call on the intrepid members of the ACA and urge them to join forces with the wily ACO.  The sheer magnitude of that much Cornhole power would be unstoppable.  I\u2019d join in with them, but I fear I\u2019d wind up over the fence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please do me a\nfavor \u2013 Comment and share!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also,\nbefore you leave \u2013<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out these great\nbooks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Link below)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Rules for the College Playground <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Link below)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Link below)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

To paraphrase a recent observation by podcaster, and self-described \u201cC-list\u201d celebrity, Adam Carolla: A pandemic lockdown is like a prison sentence.  You can emerge from it with either a draft of the next Great American Novel, or a forehead tattoo and a raging case of herpes.  It\u2019s your choice.  I decided to take Adam\u2019s advice.  […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[939,937,938,935,936],"class_list":["post-2180","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-adam-carolla","tag-america-cornhole-association","tag-american-cornhole-organization","tag-cornhole","tag-cornhole-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2180","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2180"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2180\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2186,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2180\/revisions\/2186"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2180"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2180"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2180"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}