{"id":218,"date":"2013-12-12T22:18:59","date_gmt":"2013-12-13T06:18:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=218"},"modified":"2020-04-18T10:19:01","modified_gmt":"2020-04-18T17:19:01","slug":"worlds-best-gift-lawyers-proper-care-feeding-sharks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=218","title":{"rendered":"The World’s Best Gift for Lawyers"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

According to the most recent census, there is one lawyer for every man, woman, child and four-legged creature living in the continental United States.\u00a0 (Alaska, of course, is the wild frontier; yes, there are lawyers in Alaska, but they limit their professional activities to officiating at duels.\u00a0 And Hawaii is the Land of Aloha, and Aloha means never having to hire a lawyer.)\u00a0 Disturbingly, the number of lawyers continues to increase faster than a herd of bunny rabbits loose in a Viagra factory.\u00a0 (Yes, it is a \u201cherd\u201d of rabbits.\u00a0 I always thought it was a \u201chutch\u201d of rabbits, but it\u2019s a herd.\u00a0 That\u2019s what my iPhone says, so it\u2019s true.)\u00a0 This leaves us with a problem \u2013 what to get that lawyer in your life for a gift.<\/p>\n

Let me begin by ruling out gifts you may be foolishly considering.<\/p>\n

First, forget shark skin – especially, shark skin belts.\u00a0 It\u2019s about as original as grandma giving Johnny that t-shirt that says:\u00a0 \u201cMy grandma went to Aruba, and all she got me was this lousy t-shirt.\u201d\u00a0 Besides, have you priced a shark skin belt?\u00a0 Ouch! Find me a lawyer worth that.\u00a0 I\u2019d want to put him on retainer immediately.<\/p>\n

Second, no pen and pencil sets.\u00a0 Yes, it\u2019s cheaper than a shark skin belt, but it\u2019s equally as trite.\u00a0 It sends a clear message:\u00a0 \u201cI refuse to put any thought into this at all.\u201d<\/p>\n

Here is the answer to your problems –<\/p>\n

[WARNING:\u00a0 The remainder of this column is an info-laughable.<\/p>\n

Info-laughable<\/b> (in-fo-laf-able), n.\u00a0 a humorous blog post designed to ham-handedly hock a product<\/i>.]<\/span><\/p>\n

So, we have arrived at our destination.\u00a0 The world\u2019s best gift for lawyers.\u00a0 Drumroll, please\u2026.<\/p>\n

A book.\u00a0 But not just any book – an inspirational book.<\/p>\n

No, not a hardback (Don\u2019t be silly.\u00a0 Do you know what a hardback costs these days?).\u00a0 A paperback.\u00a0 An uplifting read.\u00a0 One that comes to mind is\u00a0The<\/em> Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the Legal Wilderness<\/i><\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/The-Lawyers-Song-Navigating-wilderness\/dp\/1608443248<\/a><\/p>\n

You\u2019ll laugh.\u00a0 You\u2019ll cry.\u00a0 And according to 60 Minutes, Amazon will deliver it by next-day drone.\u00a0 But remember that the most important thing about presenting anyone with a book is\u00a0 the inscription.\u00a0 Here is my suggestion –<\/p>\n

\u201cDearest [fill in the name of the\u00a0blood sucker],<\/strong><\/p>\n

I hope you find inspiration within these pages to brace you through your stressful year ahead, where few truly appreciate the necessary work you do.\u00a0 But, please, I beg of you, do not bill me by the tenth of the hour to read this gift!\u201d<\/strong><\/b><\/p>\n

_______<\/p>\n

WAIT! \u00a0You\u2019re not done yet.\u00a0 Earn good karma!\u00a0 Please comment and share on Facebook, Twitter or your other favorite apps.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

And Subscribe!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s free and easy, and each new Jocularious column will arrive in your inbox.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a Three Minute Vacation for your Brain<\/em>.<\/p>\n

______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Check out these great books:<\/p>\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> at \u2013<\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/p>\n

Seven Rules for the College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/p>\n

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

According to the most recent census, there is one lawyer for every man, woman, child and four-legged creature living in the continental United States.\u00a0 (Alaska, of course, is the wild frontier; yes, there are lawyers in Alaska, but they limit their professional activities to officiating at duels.\u00a0 And Hawaii is the Land of Aloha, and […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[145,147,144,148,142,146,141,143],"class_list":["post-218","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-alaska","tag-amazon","tag-census","tag-drone","tag-gift","tag-hawaii","tag-lawyer","tag-shark-skin"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/218","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=218"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/218\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2099,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/218\/revisions\/2099"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=218"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=218"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=218"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}