{"id":209,"date":"2013-11-28T07:35:45","date_gmt":"2013-11-28T15:35:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=209"},"modified":"2018-07-25T19:38:22","modified_gmt":"2018-07-26T02:38:22","slug":"worlds-worst-fly-fisherman-reveals-secrets-success","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=209","title":{"rendered":"The World\u2019s Worst Fly Fisherman Reveals His Secrets to Success"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Fly<\/a><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t set out to hold the undisputed title of World\u2019s Worst Fly Fisherman, the victory just fell in my lap.\u00a0 Kind of like winning the lottery, except in reverse.\u00a0 There\u2019s no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.\u00a0 Perhaps it was my destiny.\u00a0 You see I was raised by a bait fisherman \u2013 fish eggs, worms, shrimp, you name it.\u00a0 If it was squirmy or gave off an unpleasant odor, we tossed it in an old soup can and later stuck it on a hook.\u00a0 Then we added a lead ball the size of a grenade, reared back, lobbed, and hoped for the best.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know what fly fishing was when I was a kid.<\/p>\n

Then along came the movie A River Runs Through It<\/i>, and everybody had a heart attack over how majestic it was.\u00a0 They immediately ran out and cleared the shelves of their local LL Bean, and then raced off to drown themselves in the nearest municipal culvert.\u00a0 It\u2019s not so majestic when you\u2019re standing on a concrete embankment and casting over the remnants of a discarded truck tire.<\/p>\n

A river runs through the valley I grew up in too, but if they shot the movie there, they would have had to call it A Freezing River Runs Through It<\/i>.\u00a0 Scientists who claim that life cannot exist below absolute zero have not been fishing with my father.\u00a0 My dad has a strict policy, no fishing when the weather is above absolute zero.\u00a0 He would explain to you that if you are serious about landing a steelhead, then you needed to set the Law of Physics aside and man-up.\u00a0 This policy will explain the first step in my achieving the World Title: I only fish when weather conditions are ideal \u2013 not for fishing, don\u2019t be silly, for me.\u00a0 I enjoy a warm day – not too warm though<\/i>.\u00a0 Preferably with a nice breeze.\u00a0 This is the first jewel in my triple crown.<\/p>\n

My wife suggested I give fly fishing a try, because I had been living what you might call a sedentary lifestyle.\u00a0 (Have you noticed that the word \u201csedentary\u201d is getting a bad rap all of a sudden?)\u00a0 My particular activity level at the time was just below that of a medium-sized baked potato.\u00a0 So she bought me a gift certificate to a local fly fishing shop.<\/p>\n

My first visit to this shop was not a pleasant one.\u00a0 A clerk spotted me wandering around and gave me the onceover like I had just walked into a fine dining restaurant wearing bibbed overalls and a filthy t-shirt.\u00a0 In the middle of the shop was a wooden box containing a variety of fishing flies.\u00a0\u00a0 It was a large display approximately the size of Kansas.\u00a0 It held hundreds of flies of every size, shape and color.\u00a0 Many appeared identical.\u00a0 I made the mistake of pointing this out to the clerk who was assigned to walk around behind me and make sure I didn\u2019t steal anything.\u00a0 My observation was greeted with slightly muffled arrogant laugh as he lifted two of what appeared to be the same fly and held them in front of me.\u00a0 \u201cA fish can tell the difference between this<\/i>,\u201d he shook the first and paused for emphasis, \u201cand this<\/i>,\u201d as he shook the other.\u00a0 I then made the second mistake when I asked, \u201cWell, if a fish can tell the difference between this one and that one, why can\u2019t it tell the difference between either of those and the real bug?\u201d\u00a0 My clerk then made a face which I interpreted to mean that I was hopeless.\u00a0 Which, in his defense, turned out to be true.<\/p>\n

By utilizing the time-tested recipe for success – devoting time and attention to one\u2019s new pursuit \u2013 and turning it on its head, I finally captured the crown.\u00a0 It was not an easy task, but if you would like to compete with me in the big leagues, if you would like to threaten my title, I have three pieces of advice.\u00a0 First, never set your alarm clock to wake you up at the \u201ccrack of dawn.\u201d\u00a0 Sleep in, enjoy a nice breakfast, and peruse the morning paper.\u00a0 Second, if it\u2019s raining, or even looking like it might rain, forget about it.\u00a0 And finally, only fish in \u201ccatch and release only\u201d areas.\u00a0 That way, if some misguided fish has the audacity to strike at your hook and disturb an otherwise peaceful stroll along the river bank, you never have to clean it.\u00a0 Oh, and take plenty of snacks.<\/p>\n

_______<\/p>\n

WAIT! \u00a0You\u2019re not done yet.\u00a0 Earn good karma!\u00a0 Please comment and share on Facebook, Twitter or your other favorite apps.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

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______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Check out these great books:<\/p>\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> at \u2013<\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/p>\n

Seven Rules for the College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/p>\n

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I didn\u2019t set out to hold the undisputed title of World\u2019s Worst Fly Fisherman, the victory just fell in my lap.\u00a0 Kind of like winning the lottery, except in reverse.\u00a0 There\u2019s no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.\u00a0 Perhaps it was my destiny.\u00a0 You see I was raised by a bait fisherman […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[131,132,129,130,18,133,134],"class_list":["post-209","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-a-river-runs-through-it","tag-absolute-zero","tag-fishing","tag-fly-fishing","tag-funny","tag-secrets","tag-success"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/209","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=209"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/209\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1416,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/209\/revisions\/1416"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=209"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=209"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=209"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}