{"id":2078,"date":"2020-04-11T07:46:30","date_gmt":"2020-04-11T14:46:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2078"},"modified":"2020-04-11T07:46:35","modified_gmt":"2020-04-11T14:46:35","slug":"milo-the-dog-makes-plans-to-survive-the-covid-19-crisis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2078","title":{"rendered":"Milo the Dog Makes Plans to Survive the COVID-19 Crisis"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Fearing the\nworst, Milo the Dog took a moment from licking his privates to draw up a\ncontingency plan to survive the COVID-19 crisis.  Here are a few takeaways:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. \u201cFirst\nthings first,\u201d said Milo, \u201cdogs can\u2019t contract the coronavirus.  So at least there\u2019s that.\u201d  He continued, \u201cApparently, cats can<\/em>\nget COVID-19.\u201d  \u201cGood luck, Oliver!\u201d he\nadded with a grin.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. \u201cAm I\ndepressed?  Am I a little off my\ngame?  Of course, I am.  I bet I haven\u2019t shoved my snout in an\nunsuspecting stranger\u2019s crotch in the past three weeks.  Welcome to life in my \u2018new normal.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. \u201cI\u2019m\ncurrently staying with my owner\u2019s father in Eugene.  They say that people who are over 60 are the\nmost at risk.  Well, he\u2019s 59 \u00bd, so close\nenough.  Plus, he looks like he\u2019s entering\nhis ninth month of labor \u2013 with twins.  Based\non what I see him scarfing down each day (Does this guy EVER skip meal?), he\u2019s probably\nprediabetic.  What I\u2019m trying to say, is\nthat if he drops dead and I get trapped in the house, there\u2019s going to be some\ngood eat\u2019n.  I\u2019m not saying I would take\nany pleasure in it, for obvious reasons. \nThe main reason being that I can\u2019t open the refrigerator door.  You know what that means?  No barbeque sauce!  I\u2019d have to eat that fat bastard dry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4.\n\u201cThankfully, the toilet is full, so I\u2019m good for water.  If need be, I think I can manage to push down\non the lever with my paws.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Milo summed up his plans as follows: \u201cFood?\u00a0 Check.\u00a0 Water?\u00a0 Check.\u00a0 Dreaming of Oliver the Cat being stricken with the virus and being placed on a cat-sized respirator?\u00a0 Check.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With his COVID-19\ncrisis planning completed, Milo was finally able to return to his business at\nhand \u2013 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Licking his\nprivates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Could you do me a favor?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please comment and\nshare!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And subscribe! – It\u2019s\nfree!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a Three Minute\nVacation for your Brain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

______________________________<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out these great\nbooks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Rules for the College Playground<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Fearing the worst, Milo the Dog took a moment from licking his privates to draw up a contingency plan to survive the COVID-19 crisis.  Here are a few takeaways: 1. \u201cFirst things first,\u201d said Milo, \u201cdogs can\u2019t contract the coronavirus.  So at least there\u2019s that.\u201d  He continued, \u201cApparently, cats can get COVID-19.\u201d  \u201cGood luck, Oliver!\u201d […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[897,913,914,915,603,912],"class_list":["post-2078","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-coronavirus-humor","tag-coronavirus-humour","tag-covid-19-humor","tag-covid19-humor","tag-dog-humor","tag-dog-humour"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2078","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2078"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2078\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2087,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2078\/revisions\/2087"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2078"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2078"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2078"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}