{"id":2030,"date":"2020-03-19T15:39:49","date_gmt":"2020-03-19T22:39:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2030"},"modified":"2020-03-19T15:39:57","modified_gmt":"2020-03-19T22:39:57","slug":"i-was-born-to-shelter-in-place","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2030","title":{"rendered":"I Was BORN To Shelter In Place"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I was BORN\nto shelter in place.  I dream of\nsheltering in place.  It\u2019s not 1832.  We\u2019re not huddled in a freezing \u201cSoddy\u201d on\nthe plains of Western Nebraska.  We\u2019ve\ngot Netflix, for crying out loud!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While I\u2019m on\nthe topic, here\u2019s my take on the whole \u201choarding\u201d thing \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to\nofficial verified statistics (i.e. my biased opinion), 99% of the American\npublic is morbidly obese.  And, Lord\nknows, I\u2019m doing everything I can to maintain that percentage.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ninety days\nof starvation is just what the doctor ordered. \nAnd by \u201cstarvation,\u201d I mean eating two meals a day instead of four.  If this virus holds up, come July, we\u2019ll be\nmarching around the beach like Greek Gods.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And can this\nbe the end of handshaking?  Please?!  Can we finally put a knife in it?  I\u2019m as old school as you can get, but the\ngrossness of handshaking must meet its demise. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

On a side\nnote, I do not begrudge the guilt that must be plaguing every third grader home\nfrom school right now.  On one hand, he\u2019s\npraying that this virus outbreak never ends. \nOn the other, he knows that his sudden freedom may cost his 88-year-old Nana\nher life.  Root for freedom or root for Nana?  What\u2019s a third grader to do?  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a result\nof all the social distancing I\u2019ve been doing lately, I\u2019ve had time to think\nabout my future.  Business opportunities\nare exploding in my head like kernels in a popcorn popper.  One idea has risen above the rest \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A bacon\nstore creatively called, \u201cThe Bacon Store.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How could a\nstore that exclusively sells bacon, and bacon-related products, possibly fail?  The only product that exceeds the attraction\nquotient of bacon is crack cocaine.  And bacon\nis LEGAL!  (Of course, it probably\nshouldn\u2019t be.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The most\nvaluable thing I\u2019ve learned during our challenging national emergency is the definition\nof \u201cTelecommuting.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Telecommuting:\n\u201cThe art of getting paid to recline on a couch in your underwear, while\nsounding very engaged and alert on the phone.\u201d \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I guess I was born to shelter in place AND telecommute!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Got a moment?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please do me a favor – comment and share!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also, consider\nsubscribing – It\u2019s free!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a Three\nMinute Vacation for your Brain<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out these great\nbooks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lawyer\u2019s\nSong: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Rules for\nthe College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Secrets You\nNeed to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was BORN to shelter in place.  I dream of sheltering in place.  It\u2019s not 1832.  We\u2019re not huddled in a freezing \u201cSoddy\u201d on the plains of Western Nebraska.  We\u2019ve got Netflix, for crying out loud! While I\u2019m on the topic, here\u2019s my take on the whole \u201choarding\u201d thing \u2013 According to official verified statistics […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2032,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[897,902,903],"class_list":["post-2030","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-coronavirus-humor","tag-shelter-in-place-humor","tag-sheltering-in-place-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/Oliver-Sheltering.jpeg?fit=4032%2C2107&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2030","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2030"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2030\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2037,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2030\/revisions\/2037"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2032"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2030"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2030"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2030"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}