{"id":2004,"date":"2020-03-10T19:55:07","date_gmt":"2020-03-11T02:55:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2004"},"modified":"2020-03-10T19:55:16","modified_gmt":"2020-03-11T02:55:16","slug":"like-many-of-you-i-have-now-convinced-myself-i-have-the-coronavirus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2004","title":{"rendered":"Like many of you, I have now convinced myself I have the Coronavirus"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I haven\u2019t been tested, but according to the internet, I have the Coronavirus.\u00a0 I\u2019m not 100% sure.\u00a0 How could I be?\u00a0 I am 99% sure.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is how I know –<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, I Googled \u201cearly Coronavirus symptoms.\u201d\u00a0 The internet told me the three most common signs were: Cough, Fever and Respiratory Difficulty.\u00a0 I do not have a cough.\u00a0 I do not have a fever, and I do not have any respiratory difficulty.\u00a0 So, obviously, I had to continue my search.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second, I clicked another reliable source (It was<\/em><\/strong> posted on the internet) and found a list of 15 <\/em><\/strong>early warning signs of Coronavirus. \u00a0Now I was getting somewhere.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finally, I found it!\u00a0 The very first sign on the list was, \u201cFatigue.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

FATIGUE!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Diagnosis\nCONFIRMED!  I didn\u2019t need to waste my\ntime looking further.  I definitely<\/em>\nfelt fatigued.  In fact, I am going to\ntake nap right after I finish writing this important ALERT.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I will now begin\ntaking standard Coronavirus precautions. \nAnd we all know what that means. \nAs soon as I\u2019m done with my nap, I will be heading directly to Costco to\nbuy massive quantities of toilet paper.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am not quite sure what I\u2019m supposed to do with all the toilet paper.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t asked the internet yet.\u00a0 I plan to Google that as soon as I unload my toilet paper.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Next, I will\ncall my employer and inform him that I will be \u201cself-quarantining\u201d myself for\nthe next 14 days.  This will be a\ndifficult conversation because I\u2019m self-employed.  As a boss, I can be a real pain in the\na**.  In fact, if I keep insisting that I\nneed to self-quarantine, I might have to fire myself.  I\u2019ll just have to see how the conversation\ngoes.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finally, I\u2019ll\nhave to contact all the major presidential campaigns and let them know not to\nexpect me at any of their rallies.  I\u2019ll\nespecially have to do this for Joe Biden, because that will likely drop his\naudience into single digits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wish me\nluck!  I hope to see you all on the \u201cother\nside\u201d of my scary health emergency.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

AND WASH YOUR HANDS!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Got a moment?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please do me a\nfavor and comment and share!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also, consider\nsubscribing – It\u2019s free!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a Three\nMinute Vacation for your Brain<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out these great\nbooks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lawyer\u2019s\nSong: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Rules for\nthe College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Secrets You\nNeed to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I haven\u2019t been tested, but according to the internet, I have the Coronavirus.\u00a0 I\u2019m not 100% sure.\u00a0 How could I be?\u00a0 I am 99% sure.\u00a0 Here is how I know – First, I Googled \u201cearly Coronavirus symptoms.\u201d\u00a0 The internet told me the three most common signs were: Cough, Fever and Respiratory Difficulty.\u00a0 I do not […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[897,895,896],"class_list":["post-2004","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-coronavirus-humor","tag-coronavirus-toilet-paper","tag-toilet-paper-panic"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2004","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2004"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2004\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2011,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2004\/revisions\/2011"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2004"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2004"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2004"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}