{"id":1930,"date":"2020-02-15T08:31:29","date_gmt":"2020-02-15T16:31:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1930"},"modified":"2020-02-15T08:32:19","modified_gmt":"2020-02-15T16:32:19","slug":"how-to-survive-a-natural-disaster-spoiler-youll-need-to-steal-a-bucket","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1930","title":{"rendered":"How to Survive a Natural Disaster (Spoiler: You’ll Need to Steal a Bucket)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I live in Oregon.\u00a0 Our state’s proud motto: \u201cShivering in the rain \u2018til the Big One hits!\u201d\u00a0 It could be an earthquake.\u00a0 It could be a volcano.\u00a0 Whatever it is, it\u2019s going to be BIG.\u00a0 According to all the super smart eggheads at Oregon State University (the kind of people who only laugh at calculous jokes), the Pacific Northwest gets a major earthquake every 350 years.\u00a0 And guess what?\u00a0 Yeah, it\u2019s been 350 years!\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lucky for me, I work in a 100-year-old building that is about as earthquake proof as my Aunt Betty’s china cabinet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But hey, we could get lucky.\u00a0 We might only suffer the cataclysmic effects of a Volcanic eruption shooting out molten lava raining down on our melting faces.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got a string of gigantic mountains running up from California all the way to British Columbia.\u00a0 These mountains have been percolating like coffee pots since the 1950s.\u00a0 Any one of them could blow at any moment.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

True narcissistically important fact: I am a volcano survivor<\/em>.\u00a0 When Mount St. Helens blew its top in 1980, I lived about 100 miles south.\u00a0 I personally<\/em> dusted volcanic ash off my Datsun B210 hatchback the next morning.\u00a0 I\u2019m not trying to say that you should consider me a hero, but if you insist….<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The government keeps telling us we each need a survival plan.\u00a0 But I\u2019ve been too busy watching critically acclaimed programing such as Dancing with the Stars and America’s Got Talent to ACTUALLY create a survival plan.\u00a0 So, imagine my luck when employees of Farmers Insurance recently moved into my building.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Guess what?\u00a0 Yeah, leave it to an insurance company to have a survival plan.\u00a0 A REAL, honest to goodness survival plan! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But brace yourself, because it’s a little weird. Here it is \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

You got it!  Survival buckets!  This NOT a joke.  I am NOT making this up.  They moved in with their survival buckets.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every bucket\ncontains the following \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

When I discovered the Farmer\u2019s Survival Buckets, I didn\u2019t hide my intentions.\u00a0 I am NOT the kind of guy who would hide my intentions.\u00a0 However, I am the kind of guy who would steal someone else\u2019s bucket.\u00a0 I told the Farmers employees, \u201cLook, I\u2019m going to be honest with you.\u00a0 At the first sign of trouble, I\u2019m going to yell, ‘Everybody for themselves,’ and I\u2019m going to grab one of your survival buckets and get the \u201cH\u201d \u201cE\u201d double toothpicks out of here.\u00a0 So, you need to modify your survival plan and prepare to be one bucket short.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a result of finally having a survival plan, I have found that I am much more relaxed.  My blood pressure is down.  I feel less anxious.  I\u2019ve regained a spring in my step.  Although, I must say, my newfound friends from Farmers Insurance suddenly seem a little on edge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Earn good\nkarma!  Please comment and share on Facebook, Twitter or your other\nfavorite apps.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Subscribe!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It\u2019s a Three\nMinute Vacation for your Brain<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

______________________<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out these great\nbooks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lawyer\u2019s\nSong: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Rules for\nthe College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Secrets You\nNeed to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I live in Oregon.\u00a0 Our state’s proud motto: \u201cShivering in the rain \u2018til the Big One hits!\u201d\u00a0 It could be an earthquake.\u00a0 It could be a volcano.\u00a0 Whatever it is, it\u2019s going to be BIG.\u00a0 According to all the super smart eggheads at Oregon State University (the kind of people who only laugh at calculous […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[869,867,866,868,870],"class_list":["post-1930","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-earthquake-humor","tag-northwest-earthquake","tag-oregon-earthquake","tag-oregon-volcano","tag-volcano-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1930","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1930"}],"version-history":[{"count":20,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1930\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1957,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1930\/revisions\/1957"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1930"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1930"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1930"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}