{"id":1914,"date":"2020-02-08T09:36:51","date_gmt":"2020-02-08T17:36:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1914"},"modified":"2020-02-08T09:36:59","modified_gmt":"2020-02-08T17:36:59","slug":"i-superglued-myself-and-after-considering-the-experience-i-cant-recommend-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1914","title":{"rendered":"I Superglued Myself, And After Considering the Experience, I Can’t Recommend It"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I superglued myself.  I\u2019m not exactly sure it was Super Glue.  It could have been Gorilla Glue.  Or \u201cKrazy Glue.\u201d  We\u2019ve got a closet full of them.     <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The reason I superglued myself is because, as my loyal readers know, I am a very sensitive guy.\u00a0 I am a \u201cput the toilet seat back down\u201d kind of guy.\u00a0 A \u201ctake the garbage out only the third time I\u2019m asked\u201d kind of guy.\u00a0 The kind of guy that doesn\u2019t leave his clothes lying all over the bedroom floor \u2013 I politely pile them into a large heap at the foot of the bed.\u00a0 Yes, I am that<\/em> sensitive.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyway, I\nwoke up very sensitively, and went downstairs to feed my boss, Oliver the Cat,\nand make coffee \u2013 in that order.  (Oliver\ndoesn\u2019t tolerate insubordination.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I walked into the kitchen, on the counter sat one of my wife\u2019s precious Christmas decorations broken into two pieces.  This really hit me hard \u2013 emotionally speaking \u2013 because my wife only has a limited number of decorations.  Albeit, that number is 1,355.  In fact (this is true), it takes 33 large boxes to store my wife\u2019s limited number of decorations.  Each is very precious to her in its own special (did I say precious?) way.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The victim was a small, plastic Christmas tree.  Here it is in its full glory \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Like a firefighter racing for the pole, I jumped into action.  I grabbed the sandwich bag full of super glues and went to work.  Yes, I did give passing thought to using plastic gloves.  However, that would have taken an extra 30 seconds, and I was on a mission.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

After\nEXPERTLY gluing the two halves together, I realized that I had also EXPERTLY\nglued my fingertips together.  My left\nindex finger was now permanent affixed to my left thumb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is when my supergluing experience kicked in.\u00a0 Like a jet pilot making a split-second decision after years of running emergency drills, I snapped into action.\u00a0 I knew the longer I allowed the glue to hold my fingers together the stronger the adhesive would \u201cset.\u201d\u00a0 So, with Herculean effort, I managed to pull them apart.\u00a0 (Yes, I was very scared.)\u00a0 They popped apart.\u00a0 It actually made a loud POP!\u00a0 It was such a loud POP that I was more than a little relieved to confirm that my fingers were still attached to their bodily appendages.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was so relieved my fingers were now separated that the coating of dried glue on their tips didn\u2019t immediately concern me.\u00a0 But after trying to wash, peel and then scrape the glue off \u2013 with ZERO success, I resigned myself to letting it simply wear off.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, when I got to my office and started to type, I learned a critical superglue-related disturbing, yet fun fact.\u00a0 The coating of glue on the end of my index finger left me unable to feel the keyboard.\u00a0 It was like the end of my finger had fallen to sleep.\u00a0 It felt completely numb. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is when I realized the full irony of my situation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My sensitivity, had left me without any sensitivity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In short, although I had superglued myself, I didn’t feel so super (glued).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Earn good\nkarma!  Please comment and share on Facebook, Twitter or your other\nfavorite apps.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Subscribe!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s free and easy,\nand each new Jocularious column will arrive in your inbox.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a <\/strong>Three Minute Vacation for your Brain<\/strong><\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out these great\nbooks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lawyer\u2019s\nSong: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Rules for\nthe College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Secrets You\nNeed to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I superglued myself.  I\u2019m not exactly sure it was Super Glue.  It could have been Gorilla Glue.  Or \u201cKrazy Glue.\u201d  We\u2019ve got a closet full of them.     The reason I superglued myself is because, as my loyal readers know, I am a very sensitive guy.\u00a0 I am a \u201cput the toilet seat back down\u201d kind […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[863,864,861,865,862],"class_list":["post-1914","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-gorilla-glue","tag-krazy-glue","tag-super-glue","tag-super-glue-humor","tag-superglue"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1914","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1914"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1914\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1929,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1914\/revisions\/1929"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1914"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1914"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1914"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}