{"id":1892,"date":"2020-01-25T12:59:49","date_gmt":"2020-01-25T20:59:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1892"},"modified":"2020-01-25T12:59:58","modified_gmt":"2020-01-25T20:59:58","slug":"sominex-announces-new-impeachment-strength-sleep-aid","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1892","title":{"rendered":"Sominex Announces New “Impeachment Strength” Sleep Aid"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"
Screenshot<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Finally, our\nlong national nightmare is almost over. \nI am speaking, of course, of being forced to hear Official Cable News impeachment\ncommentators tell us 1,000 times a day that the only beverages allowed on the\nSenate floor are water and milk.  For the\nrecord, I don\u2019t buy that load of FAKE NEWS for a nanosecond.  If you think that there aren\u2019t A MINIMUM of two\ndozen whisky flasks stashed throughout the Senate chamber, I\u2019ve got some ocean\nfront property in Arizona I\u2019d like to sell you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether you\nthink this \u201chistoric\u201d snooze-fest is a Galant Effort or a Witch Hunt,\nhopefully, we can join together to celebrate the new consumer product\ninadvertently discovered as a result of this impeachment trial.  Many successful consumer goods were discovered\nby accident.  Rogaine was invented as a heart\nmedication.  Play-Doh was invented as a\nwall-paper cleaner.  Post-It Notes resulted\nfrom a scientist\u2019s failed attempt to create a strong<\/em> adhesive.  And now, thanks to the steadfast determination\nto keep the Russians from Stealing our Democracy (Oh, sorry, that was last week)\n\u2026 I meant, To Keep President Trump from Buying the Next Election, we now have\none of the strongest sleep aids known to mankind.  One of these godless multinational companies\nneeds to trademark the term, \u201cImpeachment Strength\u201d \u2013 and pronto.<\/em>  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

All of\nsudden, EVERYTHING is impeachment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I overheard\nOliver the Cat yesterday telling a neighborhood stray that he\u2019s thinking about\nimpeaching his political enemy, Milo the Dog. \nFrom the bits and pieces, I could understand, Oliver thinks he has the\nvotes in the House.  But he\u2019s worried\nabout the Senate.  Here he is looking\nworried (that or hungry \u2013 I\u2019m not sure) \u2013 \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Meanwhile, I\u2019m\nworried about one of my senators.  Ron Wyden\nhas been representing Oregon since the Paleozoic Age.  I met him, and he\u2019s a super nice guy.  But he\u2019s got to be at least<\/em> 110 years\nold.  These marathon impeachment sessions\nare brutal.  I can only hope that he\u2019s keeping\none of the approved Senate beverages close at hand, and by \u201capproved,\u201d I mean a\nwhisky.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hang in there, Ron!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Screenshot<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Earn good\nkarma!  Please comment and share on Facebook, Twitter or your other\nfavorite apps.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Subscribe!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s free and easy,\nand each new Jocularious column will arrive in your inbox.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a <\/strong>Three-Minute Vacation for your Brain<\/strong><\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

______________________________<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out these great books:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lawyer\u2019s\nSong: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Rules for\nthe College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Secrets You\nNeed to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Finally, our long national nightmare is almost over.  I am speaking, of course, of being forced to hear Official Cable News impeachment commentators tell us 1,000 times a day that the only beverages allowed on the Senate floor are water and milk.  For the record, I don\u2019t buy that load of FAKE NEWS for a […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[831,856,854,855,853],"class_list":["post-1892","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-impeachment-humor","tag-oregon-senator-ron-wyden","tag-ron-wyden","tag-senator-ron-wyden","tag-sleeping-pill-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1892","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1892"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1892\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1899,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1892\/revisions\/1899"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1892"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1892"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1892"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}