{"id":181,"date":"2013-10-31T08:35:46","date_gmt":"2013-10-31T15:35:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=181"},"modified":"2018-07-25T19:32:39","modified_gmt":"2018-07-26T02:32:39","slug":"google-buys-nsa-ebay","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=181","title":{"rendered":"Google Buys NSA on eBay"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Google<\/a><\/b><\/p>\n

At a press conference yesterday, Google announced that it had purchased the National Security Agency (NSA) from the US government.\u00a0 The Obama administration had posted the agency on eBay earlier that day, and Google used the \u201cBuy It Now\u201d feature to secure the purchase.\u00a0 Google spokesperson Charlie Snort explained that the timing of the purchase was perfect.\u00a0 \u201cThis appears to be the final tool, or piece of the puzzle as it were, which will enable Google to complete its stated mission to collect and catalog all available data of not only those living in the United States and among the free world, but indeed, all seven billion people on earth.\u201d\u00a0 Snort added that Google already had the ability to filter most email traffic and capture the inner most personal thoughts and desires of the public.\u00a0 Now, however, with its newly acquired intelligence agency, the company will be able to assure any entity seeking to purchase information the from Mountain View, California company that it can feel confident that few if any secrets remain.\u00a0 \u201cVery little mystery will continue to exist concerning any particular target,\u201d Snort added.\u00a0 The spokesperson was quick to correct his use of the word \u201ctarget\u201d and explained he meant to say \u201cperson.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cOur customers can now feel comfortable that whether they need to know the favorite cuisine of the First Lady of France, or the lingerie tastes of the guy down the street, Google stands ready to deliver.\u201d<\/p>\n

Reached during a rare appearance at a White House briefing, President Obama proudly described the sale as a major coup for his administration.\u00a0 \u201cThis is yet another example of my administration\u2019s continued willingness to reach across party lines in the spirit of compromise.\u00a0 My friends in The Tea Party haven\u2019t been able to shut up about the need to shrink government and privatize traditional governmental operations.\u00a0 Well, here you go.\u00a0 Heck, I\u2019ve attended several top security briefings during my tenure as Commander and Chief, and it\u2019s clear to me that most of the \u2018intelligence\u2019 the NSA has gathered as of late is from Google anyway.\u00a0 Just wait until Google staffers unlock the doors to the NSA offices.\u00a0 I wish I could be a fly on the wall and see their faces.\u00a0 Believe me, all they\u2019re going to find is a bunch of notepads with Google passwords written on them.\u00a0 Okay, they might find a Yahoo account in there too, but, come on\u2026.\u201d he added with his trademarked chuckled.\u00a0 \u201cNow, instead of calling in a representative from the NSA for a briefing, I can just type my inquiry into my Google taskbar.\u00a0 And,\u201d he added with a grin, \u201cdon\u2019t forget to note that we got our \u2018Buy It Now\u2019 price on eBay.\u00a0 How often does that happen?\u00a0 Suckers! This was yet another Obama victory for the American People.\u201d<\/p>\n

Later in the day, Google issued a written press release assuring citizens of the United States that the new division of its company collecting and cataloging terrorist threats to the American people would be provided to law enforcement agencies at \u201ca steep discount.\u201d<\/p>\n

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______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Check out these great books:<\/p>\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> at \u2013<\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/p>\n

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https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/p>\n

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

At a press conference yesterday, Google announced that it had purchased the National Security Agency (NSA) from the US government.\u00a0 The Obama administration had posted the agency on eBay earlier that day, and Google used the \u201cBuy It Now\u201d feature to secure the purchase.\u00a0 Google spokesperson Charlie Snort explained that the timing of the purchase […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[98,100,104,76,101,99,103,102,105],"class_list":["post-181","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-google","tag-internet","tag-national-security-agency","tag-nsa","tag-obama","tag-privacy","tag-synergy","tag-tea-party","tag-yahoo"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/181","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=181"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/181\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1412,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/181\/revisions\/1412"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=181"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=181"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=181"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}