{"id":1783,"date":"2019-11-24T13:42:06","date_gmt":"2019-11-24T21:42:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1783"},"modified":"2019-11-27T10:37:02","modified_gmt":"2019-11-27T18:37:02","slug":"its-chernobyl-out-there","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1783","title":{"rendered":"It’s Chernobyl Out There!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t want to alarm anyone.\u00a0 But it has come to my attention (this is true, you can google it), that the chemical they use on most store receipts causes cancer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, the next\ntime you\u2019re buying a Big Gulp, for example, and the bored looking clerk across the\ncounter asks you if you want a receipt, according to this new research, the appropriate\nresponse is, \u201cDo you want testicular cancer?\u201d \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is a VERY REAL excerpt from a WebMD article: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bisphenol A or BPA, a common\nchemical found in plastics and other consumer products that’s been linked to\nreproductive harm and other ills, can also be transferred to the skin from cash\nregister receipts and dollar bills \u2026.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

“BPA is a developer used\nin the thermal paper,” says Erika Schreder\u2026  It’s found in the receipts used by probably\n95% of stores, she tells WebMD.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The writer\nof this WebMD article reached out to get the other side of the story, and\nincluded this response:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            \u201c\u2026[A] spokesperson for\nthe Polycarbonate\/BPA Global Group says there is no reason to worry.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This gives me EVERY reason to worry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, the other day I\u2019m at a Dollar Tree buying pens. (Note: I do not know whether 7-11 or Dollar Tree stores are included in the 95% of stores that use BPA on there receipts\u2026 but … do the math).\u00a0 So I take my pens to the checkout stand, and this is where I was faced with a life-altering dilemma. \u00a0The pens were for my business.\u00a0 They were TAX DEDUCTABLE.\u00a0 But I would have to take the cancer-causing receipt to claim it on my tax return.\u00a0 Yeah, I read the stupid article about the cancer-causing receipts and how they said to tell the store clerk to put it in the bag so that only the store clerk would get ravaged by cancer. But even so, it’s not like I’ve got a bio-hazard suit hanging in my closet at home. Let’s face it, at some point, I would have to handle the cancer receipt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And so, I took it.\u00a0 I took the cancer-causing receipt.\u00a0 My life-long inherent cheapskateness took precedence over dying a long, miserable death from cancer.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to own that.\u00a0 It\u2019s in my DNA.\u00a0 I come from a long line of cheapskates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, let\u2019s\nreview:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BBQing your steaks\ncauses cancer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The sun\ncauses cancer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Processed\nmeat causes cancer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alcohol\ncauses cancer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, in short,\nover the past few decades, scientist have established one thing conclusively:  Living your life causes cancer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s\nChernobyl out there!  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I would simply go wrap myself from head to toe in polyurethane to protect me from all these dangers.  But guess what?  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Polyurethane causes cancer!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

WAIT!\n You\u2019re not done yet.  Earn good karma!  Please comment and\nshare on Facebook, Twitter or your other favorite apps.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Subscribe!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s free and easy,\nand each new Jocularious column will arrive in your inbox.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a Three\nMinute Vacation for your Brain<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out these great\nbooks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lawyer\u2019s\nSong: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Rules for\nthe College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Secrets You\nNeed to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I don\u2019t want to alarm anyone.\u00a0 But it has come to my attention (this is true, you can google it), that the chemical they use on most store receipts causes cancer. So, the next time you\u2019re buying a Big Gulp, for example, and the bored looking clerk across the counter asks you if you want […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[824,825,826],"class_list":["post-1783","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-cancer","tag-cancer-humor","tag-store-receipt-cancer"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1783","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1783"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1783\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1790,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1783\/revisions\/1790"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1783"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1783"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1783"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}