{"id":1758,"date":"2019-10-19T09:41:16","date_gmt":"2019-10-19T16:41:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1758"},"modified":"2019-10-20T11:19:35","modified_gmt":"2019-10-20T18:19:35","slug":"milo-the-dog-goes-on-holiday","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1758","title":{"rendered":"Milo the Dog goes on Holiday"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Milo the Dog ventured south from Portland this week to enjoy some \u201cme time,\u201d in Eugene.  For those of you who don\u2019t speak dog, \u201cme time\u201d is doggy language which translates to \u201cpee time.\u201d  It\u2019s a time to pee on new and exciting things \u2013 birch trees, box plants, landscape ornamentals, and distracted neighbors. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oliver the Cat, who has been living in our home as a squatter since last year, translates \u201cme time\u201d to \u201ceat me time.\u201d  This is Oliver\u2019s greatest fear, and what he believes is Milo\u2019s primary goal between his pee times.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thankfully, the weather is cooperating, and we\u2019ll have wonderful dog-walking conditions this week.  Here\u2019s the forecast <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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When he\u2019s\nnot enjoying a nice walk through the daily monsoon, Milo enjoys spending time\nin the spa (living room) between his pee times, getting his beauty rest \u2013
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Living with\nboth Oliver and Milo is like playing a 24-hour game of Tetris.  Oliver goes into the utility hall while Milo\nis in the house but is let to roam freely when Milo is outside.  Prior to letting Milo back into the house, we\nmust find Oliver, take him prisoner, and transport him either back into the\nutility hall or put him outside.  Luckily,\nwhen he\u2019s not napping (which he only does 23 hours a day), Oliver likes to\nspend as much time outside as possible looking for creatures to torture and eat.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I recently caught this action shot of Oliver (don\u2019t blink) –
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One of the most exciting things about having Milo visit, is that it gives me a chance to become the key prosecution witness in a murder trial.  As everyone who watches an unhealthy number of true crime TV shows is well aware, the \u201ckey\u201d witness in every murder trial is some poor sap out walking his dog at midnight.  Here is an official excerpt of a murder trial transcript (well, it would<\/em> be official, if I hadn’t made it up):<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prosecutor:<\/strong> \u201cWhat time was it when you saw the baldheaded man with the\nbloody knife run from the gazebo and race away in the dilapidated Dodge Durango?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Key \u201cDog-Walking\u201d Witness:<\/strong> \u201cUh\u2026 About midnight.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prosecutor (with a sour look on his face like he just bit into a rotten peanut M&M<\/strong>): I rest my case, Your Honor.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sadly, I think it is far too rainy this week for me to witness any murders.  So, there goes that opportunity.  The only way I think I\u2019ll get to witness a murder is if Milo\u2019s \u201cme time,\u201d I mean \u201cpee time,\u201d REALLY becomes \u201ceat me time.\u201d  Good luck, Oliver!  We\u2019re rooting for you!<\/p>\n\n\n\n