{"id":170,"date":"2013-10-17T12:19:02","date_gmt":"2013-10-17T19:19:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=170"},"modified":"2018-07-25T19:30:36","modified_gmt":"2018-07-26T02:30:36","slug":"nsa-saves-billions-converting-buddy-system","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=170","title":{"rendered":"NSA Saves Billions Converting to “Buddy System”"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Buddy<\/a><\/p>\n

The NSA announced yesterday it would significantly change the way it spies on the intimate personal details of Americans.\u00a0 This change is expected to save billions of dollars.\u00a0 Traditionally, the agency has used high-tech eavesdropping electronics to sweep through trillions of phone calls, emails and other electronic communications and store the data in enormous \u201cdata farms\u201d in places where no one lives, like Iowa and New Mexico.\u00a0 That will change.\u00a0 Borrowing from the tried and true system developed by the Boy Scouts over a hundred years ago, the agency will now convert to the Buddy System, or \u201cBS\u201d for short.<\/p>\n

The new BS system works on a voluntary basis which will be mandatory.\u00a0 The NSA will randomly pair United States residents with one another.\u00a0 Those residents in turn keep an eye on their assigned partner, or in BS parlance, \u201cBuddy.\u201d\u00a0 They read each of their buddy\u2019s emails, text messages and listen in on telephone calls.\u00a0 And if they happen to be passing near their buddy\u2019s home, they are encouraged to drop by unannounced to just say \u201chi,\u201d and poke around a bit.\u00a0 See what\u2019s on the bookshelf, check the medicine cabinet, or if they get a chance, the underwear drawer.\u00a0 And if a buddy is unwilling to share his or her passwords, they are instructed to immediately submit Form BS-99 to NSA headquarters.\u00a0 That will \u201cred flag\u201d the person, and automatically place the non-compliant buddy on the no-fly list.<\/p>\n

\u201cPatriotic Americans are overwhelmingly supportive of the new system,\u201d announced Frank Eavesdorper, NSA Chief of Homeland Operations.\u00a0 \u201cCitizens are willing to pay any price to keep the liberty their forefathers died to obtain.\u00a0 I hear it again and again: \u2018I have nothing to hide!\u00a0 Come into my house.\u00a0 Search through my family\u2019s photographs.\u00a0 Copy my computer\u2019s hard drive.\u2019\u00a0 It brings a tear to my eye.\u201d<\/p>\n

The system isn\u2019t perfected yet.\u00a0 During testing, a few glitches arose.\u00a0 Ricky, a 19-year-old from Newark complained to his NSA minder about having to read too many emails of his buddy, Betty, a 53-year-old from Houston, about her on-going menopausal issues, in particular, her continual hot flashes.\u00a0 Bob, a 63-year-old long haul trucker from Seattle, likewise complained about his buddy, Candi, a 13-year-old middle school student from Omaha.\u00a0 Apparently, Bob was having to sift through upwards of 100 text messages a day from Candi to her BFF Kathi, about their \u201cdreamy\u201d classmate Jack, and in particular, how Jack\u2019s attention had recently been turned toward Charlene.\u00a0 Of great concern was the fact that Jack had already eaten lunch with Charlene three times this week.\u00a0 Then there was the unfortunate pairing of two Russian immigrants, one of whom, unbeknownst to the NSA, had been a bank robber back in the Ukraine (No fault to the NSA; he had \u201cexpunged\u201d his record prior to immigrating via a wheelbarrow of rubles to a guy named Gladov at the Central Office).\u00a0 One thing led to the next, and before authorities caught up to them at a Hooters in New Orleans, the two had gone on a three-state robbery spree.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe new system is a work in progress,\u201d explained CHO Eavesdorper.\u00a0 \u201cThere are bound to be problems when you are stepping up to the herculean task of cataloging and storing the most private details of people\u2019s lives.\u00a0 But we\u2019ll prevail.\u00a0 Americans aren\u2019t quitters.\u00a0 We\u2019ll \u2018getter done.\u2019<\/i>\u201d<\/p>\n

_______<\/p>\n

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______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Check out these great books:<\/p>\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> at \u2013<\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/p>\n

Seven Rules for the College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/p>\n

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The NSA announced yesterday it would significantly change the way it spies on the intimate personal details of Americans.\u00a0 This change is expected to save billions of dollars.\u00a0 Traditionally, the agency has used high-tech eavesdropping electronics to sweep through trillions of phone calls, emails and other electronic communications and store the data in enormous \u201cdata […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[88,89,84,86,83,77,78,87,82,76,81,80],"class_list":["post-170","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-boy-scouts","tag-buddy-system","tag-homeland","tag-hooters","tag-houston","tag-iowa","tag-new-mexico","tag-new-orleans","tag-newark","tag-nsa","tag-omaha","tag-seattle"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/170","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=170"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/170\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1410,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/170\/revisions\/1410"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=170"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=170"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=170"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}