{"id":1695,"date":"2019-09-14T09:11:09","date_gmt":"2019-09-14T16:11:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1695"},"modified":"2019-09-14T09:11:22","modified_gmt":"2019-09-14T16:11:22","slug":"the-secret-life-of-oliver-the-cat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1695","title":{"rendered":"The Secret Life of Oliver the Cat"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Cats come in\nmany varieties.  Among them are Persian\ncats, Munchkin cats, and Siamese cats.  I\nhave a rare breed of cat.  It\u2019s called an\nAlarm cat.  My Alarm cat goes off at 5:30\na.m.    And by \u201cgoes off,\u201d I mean begins\nmeowing quietly just outside our bedroom door every three seconds.  He then gradually increases his volume to a\nlevel just above that of the average NASA rocket launch.  Simultaneously with reaching his crescendo (I\nswear I am not making this up), he starts slapping the door with his paw.  I put my head under the covers and try to\nignore him until I\u2019m afraid he\u2019ll wake the neighbors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are\nmany reasons people love cats.  They\u2019re playful.  They\u2019re mischievous.  And, of course, they tear our upholstery to\nshreds.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oliver the\nCat is no exception.  He too enjoys\nplaying.  His favorite game is called, \u201cWait\nfor the People to Leave And Knock Over All the Vases.\u201d  Of course, this is only when he can find the\ntime.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is Oliver\u2019s\ndemanding schedule (and by \u201cdemanding,\u201d I mean that he does a lot of demanding)\n\u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wait for me\nto get up and then demand that I feed him his breakfast immediately.  We always keep dry food available for him but\nonly give him canned food in the morning and evening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Next, wait\nfor my wife to get up, pretend he hasn\u2019t eaten, and then demand that she feed\nhim breakfast immediately. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(I\u2019m embarrassed\nto tell you how long Oliver pulled this scam. \nHis owners, sadly, are not the sharpest knives in the drawer.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is then\ntime for him to demand that we let out, so he can go across the street to Neighbor\nJim\u2019s house.  Once at Neighbor Jim\u2019s\nhouse, he lies about the porch and generally acts like he owns the place – something\nakin to his County Estate.  So far, Neighbor\nJim has been a good sport.  But I\u2019m\npretty sure the clock is ticking.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The\nremainder of the Oliver\u2019s day is spent either meowing loudly to be let back in,\nor, approximately 30 seconds after coming back in, following us around the\nhouse meowing at the decibel level of an air raid siren demanding to be let out\nagain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We love\nOliver, but having an Alarm cat is challenging. \nMy only hope for relief is that Oliver doesn\u2019t understand Daylight\nSavings Time.  I can\u2019t wait to \u201cFall\nBack.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

WAIT! \u00a0You\u2019re not done yet.\u00a0 Earn good karma!\u00a0 Please comment and share on Facebook, Twitter or your other favorite apps.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Subscribe!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s free and easy,\nand each new Jocularious column will arrive in your inbox.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a Three\nMinute Vacation for your Brain<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out these great\nbooks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lawyer\u2019s\nSong: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Rules for\nthe College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Secrets You\nNeed to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Cats come in many varieties.  Among them are Persian cats, Munchkin cats, and Siamese cats.  I have a rare breed of cat.  It\u2019s called an Alarm cat.  My Alarm cat goes off at 5:30 a.m.    And by \u201cgoes off,\u201d I mean begins meowing quietly just outside our bedroom door every three seconds.  He then gradually […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[809,766,767],"class_list":["post-1695","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-alarm-cat","tag-cat-humor","tag-funny-cat"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1695","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1695"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1695\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1703,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1695\/revisions\/1703"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1695"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1695"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1695"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}