{"id":1687,"date":"2019-09-07T07:18:22","date_gmt":"2019-09-07T14:18:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1687"},"modified":"2019-09-07T07:18:30","modified_gmt":"2019-09-07T14:18:30","slug":"who-are-these-people-who-park-outside-the-lines","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1687","title":{"rendered":"Who Are These People Who Park Outside The Lines?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m not saying that parking outside the lines should be a crime.  That would be crazy.  I\u2019m just saying that, at a minimum, we should eat these people.  After all, it costs over $40,000 a year to incarcerate someone.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you’re a “softy,” and eating these people seems too extreme, there are other cost effective options.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Public shaming.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is where the judge makes the person wear a sign around his neck exclaiming his sin.\u00a0 It could say something like, \u201cI Park Outside the Lines,\u201d or, perhaps, more appropriately, \u201cI Park Outside the Lines \u2013 And I Should be Eaten.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe Stocks.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This option has, historically speaking, always been a crowd pleaser.\u00a0 This is where you lock someone\u2019s head and hands into the holes of one of those wooden contraptions.\u00a0 The guy ends up looking like a target at a state fair carnival.\u00a0 The added benefit is that he\u2019s bent over at a 90 degree angle with his posterior sticking up in the air.\u00a0 Of course, we would put a basket of complimentary eggs nearby.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Caning. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This punishment is all the rage in Singapore.  Some of us remember the American kid charged vandalism who got caned.  You might remember his mother running around doing a media blitz trying to rally \u201ccivilized\u201d countries to persuade the Singaporean (fun word to say out loud) government not to cane the little miscreant.  I remember thinking that if I were that kid, I\u2019d tell my mother to clam up and let me take the beating, so I could preserve at least an ounce of dignity.  In the end, the kid got the stick (four whacks).  If we settled on caning as the punishment for parking outside the lines, then I think we should use a car antenna as the \u201ccane.\u201d  Whipping one of these knuckleheads with a car antenna just seems Zen, or maybe I\u2019m thinking of \u201cfeng shui.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But even though I\u2019ve felt obligated to jot off a list of other cost effective alternatives, let\u2019s not completely rule out eating these people.  We should definitely keep that option on the table.  And by \u201ckeep that option on the table,\u201d I mean, keep these idiots ON the table.  You\u2019ve seen those roasted pigs with the apple in the mouth?  I\u2019m not sure what the flavor profile would be, but hey, everything goes down smoothly with a little ranch dressing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out these great\nbooks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lawyer\u2019s\nSong: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Rules for\nthe College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Secrets You\nNeed to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m not saying that parking outside the lines should be a crime.  That would be crazy.  I\u2019m just saying that, at a minimum, we should eat these people.  After all, it costs over $40,000 a year to incarcerate someone.  If you’re a “softy,” and eating these people seems too extreme, there are other cost effective […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[808,806,807],"class_list":["post-1687","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-funny-parking","tag-parking","tag-parking-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1687","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1687"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1687\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1694,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1687\/revisions\/1694"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1687"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1687"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1687"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}