{"id":1650,"date":"2019-08-24T09:11:33","date_gmt":"2019-08-24T16:11:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1650"},"modified":"2019-08-24T09:11:41","modified_gmt":"2019-08-24T16:11:41","slug":"why-you-should-start-smoking-cigarettes-immediately","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1650","title":{"rendered":"Why You Should Start Smoking Cigarettes Immediately"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Medical professionals agree that if you want to be healthy, you need to do three things.\u00a0 First, eat right.\u00a0 Second, exercise.\u00a0 And third, chain smoke.\u00a0 Doctors recommend a bare minimum of two packs a day.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you think I\u2019m making this up, you\u2019re wrong.\u00a0 It\u2019s based on scientific research.\u00a0 Doctors have known about the benefits of smoking since the late 1800\u2019s.\u00a0 And this is especially true for those suffering from asthma.\u00a0 Take a look at this Scientific ad, if you don\u2019t believe me \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Please note the warning at the bottom of the ad: \u201cNot Recommended For Children Under 6.\u201d\u00a0 This is an important clarification – Children under six CAN smoke \u2013 it\u2019s just not recommended.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And the\nbenefits of cigarettes don\u2019t stop there. \nThey\u2019re also good for digestion \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The more accurate term for tobacco cigarettes is \u201ccigarette medicine.\u201d\u00a0 If used properly, and with a sufficient dosage, they can help you live to 100 \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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This is\nprobably why, \u201cMore Doctors smoke Camels.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re\nnot so concerned with longevity, and more concerned about your dental health,\nyou should ask your dentist which brand of cigarette medicine he\nrecommends.  Your dentist may have very\nstrong feelings on the subject.  Here\u2019s\none who does \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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If you\u2019re concerned about any possible side effects of cigarette medicine, don\u2019t be.\u00a0 However, if you\u2019re one of those pointed-headed geeks who likes to do their own research before starting a new medical regiment, consider this trusted scientific literature \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Now, I know\nwhat you\u2019re thinking.  You\u2019re thinking,\n\u2018Wait a minute.  Hasn\u2019t there been more recent<\/em><\/strong>\nscientific research that questions the health benefits of smoking?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m going to\nbe perfectly honest with you.  Because\nthe last thing I want to do is mislead you. \nThe answer is, \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re probably thinking about that group of \u201cfringe\u201d scientists.\u00a0 Those wacky guys who claimed that we actually landed a man on the moon in 1968.\u00a0 Here is an example of their trumped-up \u201cproof\u201d \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Notice how they cleverly added the fake footprints in the foreground to make it look like the astro-NOT was actually walking around?\u00a0 This picture was actually taken on the back lot of Paramount Studios (where they also filmed the \u201clive\u201d television version).\u00a0 It was all connected to Nixon and his Watergate Cover-up.\u00a0 (Truth be told, it\u2019s the real reason Nixon had to resign.)\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But back to\nthe health benefits of smoking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m not saying that smoking cigarettes is the answer to MOST of your health concerns.\u00a0 I’m saying that smoking is the answer to ALL your health concerns.\u00a0 At least if you smoke a minimum of two packs a day.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ll leave you with this one last piece of medical advice: Remember to only smoke \u201cfresh\u201d cigarettes \u2013 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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WAIT!\n You\u2019re not done yet.  Earn good karma!  Please comment and\nshare on Facebook, Twitter or your other favorite apps.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Subscribe!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s free and easy,\nand each new Jocularious column will arrive in your inbox.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a Three\nMinute Vacation for your Brain<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out these great\nbooks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lawyer\u2019s\nSong: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Rules for\nthe College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Secrets You\nNeed to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Medical professionals agree that if you want to be healthy, you need to do three things.\u00a0 First, eat right.\u00a0 Second, exercise.\u00a0 And third, chain smoke.\u00a0 Doctors recommend a bare minimum of two packs a day.\u00a0 If you think I\u2019m making this up, you\u2019re wrong.\u00a0 It\u2019s based on scientific research.\u00a0 Doctors have known about the benefits […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[800,798,125,799,801,802],"class_list":["post-1650","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-cigarette-humor","tag-cigarettes","tag-smoking","tag-smoking-cigarettes","tag-smoking-humor","tag-vintage-cigarette-ads"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1650","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1650"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1650\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1669,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1650\/revisions\/1669"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1650"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1650"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1650"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}