{"id":1595,"date":"2019-05-25T15:35:31","date_gmt":"2019-05-25T22:35:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1595"},"modified":"2019-05-25T15:35:39","modified_gmt":"2019-05-25T22:35:39","slug":"why-you-should-enlist-in-the-space-force","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1595","title":{"rendered":"Why You Should Enlist in the Space Force"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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I\u2019ve decided to enlist in the Space Force.\u00a0 Is it for patriotism? No. Is it my duty to my fellow citizen? No. I\u2019m doing it for one reason, and one reason only: Tang.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are under 50, you might not be familiar with Tang.\u00a0 Tang is a beverage that scientists developed for astronauts in the 1960s.\u00a0 Using cutting-edge technology, NASA scientists were finally able to overcome the challenging task of combining sugar and orange dye. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Drinking Tang by the gallon is how we kids were able to feel like we were a part of our country\u2019s space program.\u00a0 And by \u201cfeel like we were a part of,\u201d I mean drinking it until we had an intense sugar high and then running around in circles like nuts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I, for one,\nlong for the days when 95% of my breakfast consisted of liquefied sugar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

‘But, Jack,’ you say, ‘do you mean that if I enlist in the Space Force that I\u2019ll be forced to drink Tang three times a day, my teeth will rot out, and I\u2019ll gain 50 pounds by the end of basic training?’\u00a0 Don\u2019t be silly, you\u2019ll gain at least 75.\u00a0 It\u2019s called sacrificing for your country <\/em>people!\u00a0 Get over it.\u00a0 Stop with all the me, me, me!\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are other\nbenefits to enlisting in the Space Force \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Weightless \u201cslimming\u201d  <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you\u2019re\nfloating in space, those \u201clove handles\u201d that hang on your sides like smoked hams\nwill magically disappear.  Without\ngravity, your love handles, and any of your other handles, will simply blend\ninto your weightless blob-like shape.  You\u2019ll\nlook great.  Really.  Just because I\u2019m being paid a commission for\nevery Space Force recruit I sign up doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019d lie to you (well, not necessarily).  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nifty Space Force Uniforms<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have you\nseen Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan<\/em>?  \u2018Nuff said. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Look, I\u2019m not saying the Space Force is for everyone.<\/em> There are plenty of people who wouldn\u2019t fit in.\u00a0 The Space Force is only for those who are unselfish, love our country, and have decided not to live their lives in a narcissistic manner, void of all true value or meaning.\u00a0 So if you \u201cbow out,\u201d I understand.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And just\nlike the Army, the Space Force will have a \u201cbuddy program.\u201d  So you can sign up with a friend.  I\u2019m still looking for a buddy, so if you\u2019re\ninterested, let me know.  In the\nmeantime, I\u2019ve already started my conditioning regimen to prepare for boot\ncamp.  I\u2019m sucking down Tang by the\ngallon.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

WAIT! \u00a0You\u2019re not done yet.\u00a0 Earn good karma!\u00a0 Please comment and share on Fa<\/em><\/strong>cebook, Twitter or your other favorite apps.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It\u2019s a Three\nMinute Vacation for your Brain<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out these great\nbooks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lawyer\u2019s\nSong: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Rules for\nthe College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Secrets You\nNeed to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve decided to enlist in the Space Force.\u00a0 Is it for patriotism? No. Is it my duty to my fellow citizen? No. I\u2019m doing it for one reason, and one reason only: Tang.\u00a0 If you are under 50, you might not be familiar with Tang.\u00a0 Tang is a beverage that scientists developed for astronauts in […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[783,784,785,782],"class_list":["post-1595","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-space-force","tag-space-force-humor","tag-tang","tag-united-states-space-force"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1595","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1595"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1595\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1606,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1595\/revisions\/1606"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1595"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1595"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1595"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}