{"id":1582,"date":"2019-08-10T18:57:06","date_gmt":"2019-08-11T01:57:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1582"},"modified":"2020-05-20T07:58:12","modified_gmt":"2020-05-20T14:58:12","slug":"the-super-secret-solution-to-battling-evil-grass-pollen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1582","title":{"rendered":"Hay Fever – A Love Story"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Another Oregon Willamette Valley hay fever season has passed.\u00a0 And I have finally emerged from my HEPA air-filtered bunker in a low crouch and squinted up into the sunlight.\u00a0 Over the past three months, as I sat in air-conditioned darkness, I had several thoughts I’d like to share.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are the facts.\u00a0 Ninety-nine percent of the world\u2019s grass seed is grown in Oregon\u2019s Willamette Valley.\u00a0 The valley\u2019s winds typically blow from north to south.\u00a0 I live in Eugene.\u00a0 Eugene sits at the very southern tip of the Willamette Valley.\u00a0 The average pollen count that irritates most people (\u201cVery high\u201d) is 200+.\u00a0 As a hay fever sufferer, luckily for me, the pollen count in Eugene only ever exceeds 500.\u00a0 With these numbers in mind, we can utilize a well-accepted mathematical equation to find the numerical “misery index.” Thus, we divide X (200) by Y (500), giving us the scientific result of: “I am an idiot.”\u00a0 I honestly can\u2019t believe I live here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the bright side, the pollen season only lasts three months.\u00a0 And they\u2019re not the fun-filled soggy fall months or the keister-puckering winter months.\u00a0 I am free to venture outside anytime during these periods.\u00a0 It\u2019s only when the sun has the temerity to show its face and the temperature breaches 70 degrees that I have to burrow into a dark space.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Setting aside my personal trauma for a moment, I must note that hayfever has gotten a raw deal on the public relations front.\u00a0 Wall-to-wall negative press.\u00a0 The media never mentions hay fever\u2019s positive attributes \u2013 The pleasure of an afternoon nap brought on by the dopey side effect of an antihistamine.\u00a0 Or, the PERFECT excuse for not mowing the lawn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lucky for me I know a physician who specializes in allergies \u2013 an \u201cAllergist.\u201d\u00a0 For the purposes of this column I will refer to him as \u201cJason,\u201d because his name is Jason Friesen.\u00a0 (That\u2019s Dr. Jason Friesen M.D. to commoners like you who do not know an allergist.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Last year during a conversation (if you call my whining to him about my hay fever and him suffering through my rant a \u201cconversation\u201d), I mentioned the two medications I was going to take the next year to battle my affliction.  Jason mentioned that I should start taking one of them early, because it took awhile for it to build up in the system.  Of course, I was GLUED to his advice.  This was gold.  Nectar from the sky.  AND with no evil CO-PAY.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nine months later I\u2019ve raided the Costco pharmacy, and I am\nfully stocked:  A bottle of Claritin the\nsize of an oil drum and half a dozen bottles of Flonase nasal spray.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A full thirty days before pollen season, I dutifully began taking a Claritin pill every morning with my multivitamin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The next time I saw Jason, pollen season was about to hit.  I told him that I followed his advice, and I was\nWAY ahead of the game.  I\u2019d been taking\nClaritin every day for a month.  This is when\nJason told me that I was an idiot.  (But\nhe didn\u2019t say it like that.  He said it in\nthe nice doctor way.)  He told me that he\nsaid to start the Flonase<\/em><\/strong> ahead of time. \nThe Claritin acts immediately.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So what I\u2019m trying to say is that I\u2019m really, REALLY, ready for pollen season next year.\u00a0 I\u2019ll consider last season, using football parlance, a \u201crebuilding year.\u201d\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

WAIT!\n You\u2019re not done yet.  Earn good karma!  Please comment and\nshare on Facebook, Twitter or your other favorite apps.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Subscribe!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It\u2019s a Three\nMinute Vacation for your Brain<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out these great\nbooks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lawyer\u2019s\nSong: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Rules for\nthe College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Secrets You\nNeed to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Another Oregon Willamette Valley hay fever season has passed.\u00a0 And I have finally emerged from my HEPA air-filtered bunker in a low crouch and squinted up into the sunlight.\u00a0 Over the past three months, as I sat in air-conditioned darkness, I had several thoughts I’d like to share.\u00a0 Here are the facts.\u00a0 Ninety-nine percent of […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[248,775,777,92,792,793,776],"class_list":["post-1582","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-eugene","tag-fay-fever","tag-hay-fever-humor","tag-oregon","tag-pollen","tag-the-peoples-republic-of-eugene","tag-willamette-valley"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1582","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1582"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1582\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2190,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1582\/revisions\/2190"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1582"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1582"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1582"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}