{"id":1475,"date":"2018-09-01T09:59:20","date_gmt":"2018-09-01T16:59:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1475"},"modified":"2018-09-01T09:59:20","modified_gmt":"2018-09-01T16:59:20","slug":"never-upgraded-first-class-upgraded-toilet-class","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1475","title":{"rendered":"I Have Never Been Upgraded to First Class But I Have Been Upgraded to Toilet Class"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>There are three rules to getting upgraded to First Class:\u00a0 1. Get to the gate early.\u00a0 2. Dress professionally.\u00a0 And 3. Own the airline.\u00a0 Okay, I was just kidding about number 3.\u00a0 You don\u2019t need to own the airline.\u00a0 You only need to be Chairman of the Board of the airline.<\/p>\n

There is nothing sweeter than being upgraded to First Class. \u00a0Or, at least, this is what I\u2019m told.\u00a0 I myself personally have never been upgraded to First Class, although I have been upgrade to Toilet Class.\u00a0 You might even say that I am a frequent flyer when it comes to flying Toilet Class.<\/p>\n

There are two levels of Toilet Class.\u00a0 The first is the seats directly in front of the toilets that don\u2019t recline.\u00a0 Thus, you are not able to \u201cstretch out\u201d and luxuriate in that extra 1\u00bd inches of leg room.\u00a0 While this is not the highest level of Toilet Class, it still allows you to enjoy having a line of people hovering over you with their legs crossed.\u00a0 The second, or \u201cTop Tier\u201d Toilet Class (unfortunately, not all plane configurations have this) is the seat directly to the side of the toilet.\u00a0 From my considerable experience, you sit to the right of the lavatory door.\u00a0 Here is your view \u2013\"\"<\/a>The exception to this being your view is when someone\u2019s butt is your view.<\/p>\n

A bonus to the top-tier Toilet Class seat is inhaling a whiff of that chemical smell every time someone exits.<\/p>\n

One of the most memorable flights I have ever had was returning from Hawaii a few years ago sitting on the aisle directly across from the toilet.\u00a0 Now, the fact that I was sitting by the toilet is not what made this flight memorable.\u00a0 In fact, that just made it another day in the life \u2013 It\u2019s almost my assigned seat.\u00a0 No, what made this trip memorable was that something was wrong with the door latch.\u00a0 So each of the 1,005 times someone left the toilet and shut the door, within a moment, the door swung back open in my direction.\u00a0 I literally spent five and a half hours shutting the toilet door.<\/p>\n

My main point is this \u2013 If a First Class ticket costs four times as much as a coach ticket, shouldn\u2019t a Toilet Class ticket cost four times less?\u00a0 Trust me when I say this \u2013 The \u201cflying experience\u201d of someone seated mid-cabin is notably better than someone who has to shut the toilet door every five seconds.<\/p>\n

Jack, you might ask, \u201cWhat can I do to increase my chances that I will be upgraded to Toilet Class?\u201d\u00a0 Three things: 1. Arrive at the gate just as they are preparing to secure the cabin door and the gate agent is wearing that frowny face.\u00a0 2. Sport a faded Hawaiian shirt and dirty cargo pants.\u00a0 And 3. Be Chairman of the Board of the \u201cI was running too late to comb my hair society.\u201d\u00a0 Trust me on this folks \u2013 The flight attendant will immediately direct you back to your specially assigned seat.<\/p>\n

_______<\/p>\n

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______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Check out these great books:<\/p>\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/p>\n

Seven Rules for the College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/p>\n

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There are three rules to getting upgraded to First Class:\u00a0 1. Get to the gate early.\u00a0 2. Dress professionally.\u00a0 And 3. Own the airline.\u00a0 Okay, I was just kidding about number 3.\u00a0 You don\u2019t need to own the airline.\u00a0 You only need to be Chairman of the Board of the airline. There is nothing sweeter […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[741,399,740],"class_list":["post-1475","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-airline-toilet","tag-first-class","tag-first-class-upgrade"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1475","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1475"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1475\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1482,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1475\/revisions\/1482"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1475"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1475"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1475"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}