{"id":1393,"date":"2018-07-21T15:20:46","date_gmt":"2018-07-21T22:20:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1393"},"modified":"2018-07-21T15:20:46","modified_gmt":"2018-07-21T22:20:46","slug":"can-use-new-costco-sample-diet-program-save-money-lose-weight","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1393","title":{"rendered":"How You Can Use The New Costco Sample Diet Program to Save Money and Lose Weight"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>When you think of a healthy diet, you think of the same store I do \u2013 the health-conscious, grocery boutique called Costco.\u00a0 Nothing says \u201cI\u2019m living a heathy lifestyle\u201d like buying a ham as big as your head. (I have a really large head.)<\/p>\n

I was in Costco today buying that ham, when it dawned on me that we might be missing a serious dieting opportunity.\u00a0 There I was, standing in a crowd of eager samplers waiting on the sample lady to dole out another tray of salted crackers.\u00a0 You heard me right – We were waiting for crackers!\u00a0 Then I looked around at the people pathetically waiting to snap one up.\u00a0 This is when it dawned on me.\u00a0 I was one of them.\u00a0 I was one of the pathetic masses waiting there like a dope for my free cracker.<\/p>\n

This <\/em><\/strong>was my eureka moment.\u00a0 Sure, Nikolaus Copernicus discovered the Earth\u2019s rotation.\u00a0 Sure, Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin.\u00a0 But now, I had made a discovery \u2013 The Costco Sample Diet!<\/p>\n

I explained my idea to the sample lady, and asked her if I could take a picture of her sample stand.\u00a0 She looked confused and then dove for cover the moment I lifted my camera phone.\u00a0 (Side note: Is it me, or should Costco be hiring more extroverts to hand out samples?)\u00a0 She either wasn\u2019t enthusiastic about my idea, or is currently participating in the Federal Witness Protection Program.\u00a0 I explained to her that I only have three readers and one lives in Busan, South Korea (Hi, Chris!).\u00a0 But she still wouldn\u2019t pose for a picture.<\/p>\n

Here is her sample stand (she\u2019s standing right behind it, but keeping a tight eye on the direction of my lens) \u2013<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Two of the many benefits of the Costco Sample Diet are<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. The plan is completely FREE.<\/li>\n
  2. The food is completely FREE.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    (These factors alone make it far more attractive than Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig.)<\/p>\n

    The Costco Sample Diet has six rules \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Rule One:<\/strong> The only food you can eat each day is one of the samples from each Costco sample stand.<\/p>\n

    Rule Two:<\/strong> Returning for a second sample from the same stand is strictly forbidden.<\/p>\n

    Rule Three:<\/strong> Elbowing out the \u201cstocky\u201d kid to grab the largest sample is<\/em><\/strong> permitted (even encouraged).<\/p>\n

    Rule Four:<\/strong> You remain on the plan until you have reached your goal weight, or you have fainted.<\/p>\n

    Rule Five:<\/strong> If you faint, you may enjoy ONE <\/strong>$1.50 Costco Hotdog.\u00a0 If you hit your head when you fainted, you may upgrade to a Chicken Bake.<\/p>\n

    Important Warning:<\/strong> DO NOT look at the other items at the food counter.\u00a0 It is far too dangerous \u2013<\/p>\n

    \"\"<\/a>Important Follow-up Warning:<\/strong> The Twisted Churros are STRICTLY <\/strong>forbidden \u2013 Don\u2019t even think about it!<\/em><\/p>\n

    Rule Six:\u00a0<\/strong> Repeat step 1-5 until you are satisfied with the results, or you are hospitalized, whichever occurs first.<\/p>\n

    I have to admit that I am still a little nervous about taking the plunge and conducting a full \u201cbeta test\u201d of this diet.\u00a0 I think I\u2019ll ponder its nuances and whether the rules need tweaking while I start scarfing down that ham.<\/p>\n

    _______<\/p>\n

    WAIT! \u00a0You\u2019re not done yet.\u00a0 Earn good karma!\u00a0 Please comment and share on Facebook, Twitter or your other favorite apps.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

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    It\u2019s a Three Minute Vacation for your Brain<\/em>.<\/p>\n

    ______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Check out these great books:<\/p>\n

    The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> at \u2013<\/p>\n

    https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/p>\n

    Seven Rules for the College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

    https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/p>\n

    Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n

    https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    When you think of a healthy diet, you think of the same store I do \u2013 the health-conscious, grocery boutique called Costco.\u00a0 Nothing says \u201cI\u2019m living a heathy lifestyle\u201d like buying a ham as big as your head. (I have a really large head.) I was in Costco today buying that ham, when it dawned […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[724,726,727,725],"class_list":["post-1393","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-costco","tag-costco-diet","tag-costco-humor","tag-costco-sample-diet"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1393","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1393"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1393\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1402,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1393\/revisions\/1402"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1393"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1393"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1393"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}