{"id":1360,"date":"2018-07-07T14:16:01","date_gmt":"2018-07-07T21:16:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1360"},"modified":"2018-07-08T07:21:02","modified_gmt":"2018-07-08T14:21:02","slug":"intimate-moment-tsa-spoiler-agent-almost-made-third-base","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1360","title":{"rendered":"My Intimate Moment with the TSA (Spoiler – The agent almost made it to third base)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I have never felt so close to the TSA as I did when they required me to undergo an \u201cenhanced\u201d search to board a flight to, of all places, Omaha.\u00a0 I\u2019m not saying that the TSA agent did anything wrong.\u00a0 But, to describe the search in high school terms, by the time he finished, he had rounded second base and was headed to third.\u00a0 By the end of his search, this agent knew me \u2013 he knew me VERY<\/em><\/strong> well.\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t been examined this thoroughly since my last colonoscopy.<\/p>\n

The reason for my intimate encounter was that I had just renewed my driver\u2019s license.\u00a0 I had a temporary paper<\/em> license.\u00a0 I presented the TSA agent with my temporary license and my old plastic license.\u00a0 My old license had a hole in it where it said my date of birth.\u00a0 The DMV employee punched it out when he issued me my temporary license.\u00a0 The TSA guy told me that a paper license wasn\u2019t acceptable, and my old license would have been acceptable, but since the date of birth was punched out, I couldn\u2019t use that either. I tried to reason with the agent that the two documents together surely established my identity.\u00a0 The agent completely agreed, but said he had to follow the rules.\u00a0 He told me he\u2019d call a supervisor to come talk to me.<\/p>\n

(As an aside, you might ask, why didn\u2019t you just take your passport with you?\u00a0 There is a simple reason for that.\u00a0 It\u2019s called, \u201cI\u2019m an idiot.\u201d)<\/p>\n

After waiting for what seemed like an hour but was probably ten minutes, another TSA agent walked up to me.\u00a0 I explained my story.\u00a0 I then awaited his ruling.\u00a0 He told me that he completely agreed with me.\u00a0 He then told me that he wasn\u2019t the supervisor.\u00a0 He said he just heard what was going on and walked over to check it out.\u00a0 I had become a TSA roadside attraction.<\/p>\n

An hour later (ten more minutes), the supervisor showed up.\u00a0 I was relieved that he too<\/em><\/strong> agreed the rule was stupid.\u00a0 He then explained that he could only let me through if I would consent to \u201cvoluntarily\u201d get \u201cfelt up.\u201d For the record, he did not use the term \u201cfelt up.\u201d\u00a0 While accurate, that would have violated TSA policy.<\/p>\n

Once I arrived in, of all places, Omaha.\u00a0 I went online so that I could cite official line and verse to any TSA agent who dared to reject my ID on my return flight, and tell them that they darn well would<\/em> accept it.\u00a0 It only took a few minutes to clearly and unambiguously establish that my ID was NOT <\/strong>acceptable.\u00a0 Great, I thought, I\u2019m going get felt up again.<\/p>\n

A couple of days later, I was inching my way along the TSA line with no small amount of trepidation.\u00a0 I reached the TSA stand and handed the agent my faulty paper work.\u00a0 Then I stood there like a sap awaiting my fate.\u00a0 The agent looked at my temporary paper license.\u00a0 Then he looked at my canceled plastic license with the punched out hole.\u00a0 (By this time, the punched hole looked to me like it was roughly the size Australia.)\u00a0 The agent then looked up at me sternly, and said in a very official tone, \u201cHave a nice flight.\u201d<\/p>\n

God bless, of all places, Omaha.<\/p>\n

________________<\/p>\n

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______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Check out these great books:<\/p>\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> at \u2013<\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/p>\n

Seven Rules for the College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/p>\n

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have never felt so close to the TSA as I did when they required me to undergo an \u201cenhanced\u201d search to board a flight to, of all places, Omaha.\u00a0 I\u2019m not saying that the TSA agent did anything wrong.\u00a0 But, to describe the search in high school terms, by the time he finished, he […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[710,709,81,708],"class_list":["post-1360","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-enhanced-screening","tag-enhanced-search","tag-omaha","tag-tsa"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1360","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1360"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1360\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2154,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1360\/revisions\/2154"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1360"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1360"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1360"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}