{"id":1303,"date":"2018-05-26T11:27:52","date_gmt":"2018-05-26T18:27:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1303"},"modified":"2018-05-26T11:27:52","modified_gmt":"2018-05-26T18:27:52","slug":"joy-north-korean-pen-pal-even-one-occasionally-threaten-annihilation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1303","title":{"rendered":"The Joy of a North Korean Pen-pal, Even One You Occasionally Threaten with Annihilation"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I recently received a 6\u201d x 9\u201d envelope in the mail\u00a0 that took six days to arrive.\u00a0 But, of course, it was<\/em> sent from a very distance city.\u00a0 On another continent, you ask?\u00a0 Not quite.\u00a0 It was mailed from Salem, Oregon, about 60 miles away.\u00a0 Sixty miles!\u00a0 SIX DAYS!\u00a0 That\u2019s one day for every ten miles.\u00a0 It would have arrived sooner by mule train.<\/p>\n

A few days ago, President Donald Trump wrote a letter to North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un.\u00a0 Here is how he addressed it-<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

It\u2019s going to take all the internal fortitude I can muster, but I must do one thing.\u00a0 I must ignore, for the sake and integrity of this week\u2019s topic, Kim Jong Un\u2019s title, \u201cHis Excellency.\u201d\u00a0 Like an AA member staring down the barrel of a shot glass filled with bourbon, I must walk away from it.<\/p>\n

This column is about how President Trump addressed this letter.\u00a0 Every letter, of course, needs an address.\u00a0 Otherwise, how can the mail carrier deliver it?\u00a0 As you can see, this address provides the level of specificity which, say, King David, of Old Testament fame, used when he looked up in the general direction of the heavens and called out to God, \u201cHey, God?!\u00a0 Do you hear me?!\u201d\u00a0 (This may not be a completely correct translation of the original Hebrew.)\u00a0 Trump addressed his letter to, \u201cPyongyang.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s it.\u00a0 Just, \u201cPyongyang.\u201d\u00a0 No street.\u00a0 No office address.\u00a0 (By the way, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo recently visited Kim at his office in North Korea.\u00a0 Couldn\u2019t The Donald just have called Mike?\u00a0 Mike probably still has the address in his iPhone Maps app.<\/p>\n

I know you\u2019re thinking, \u201cWell, Jack, Trump\u2019s probably going to have someone hand deliver it.\u201d\u00a0 Uh\u2026 \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 Have you read this letter?\u00a0 It starts out quite rosy, but it does include the slightly less than warm and fuzzy sentence – \u201cYou talk about your nuclear capabilities, but ours are so massive and powerful that I pray to God they will never have to be used.\u201d\u00a0 Gulp.<\/em>\u00a0 Kim killed a college kid who tried to swipe a poster for a souvenir.\u00a0 Imagine what happens to the person who hands him this little charmer.\u00a0 Most people like their more sensitive body parts in their current locations.<\/p>\n

One piece of advice, Mr. President, Pyongyang is about 7,000 miles from the White House.\u00a0 So, based on my recent experience, give it at least 700 days to arrive. \u00a0\u00a0Better yet, use a mule train.<\/p>\n

_________________<\/p>\n

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_________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

Check out these great books for gifts:<\/p>\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> at \u2013<\/p>\n

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Seven Rules for the College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

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Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I recently received a 6\u201d x 9\u201d envelope in the mail\u00a0 that took six days to arrive.\u00a0 But, of course, it was sent from a very distance city.\u00a0 On another continent, you ask?\u00a0 Not quite.\u00a0 It was mailed from Salem, Oregon, about 60 miles away.\u00a0 Sixty miles!\u00a0 SIX DAYS!\u00a0 That\u2019s one day for every ten […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[692,693,695,691,685,694,569],"class_list":["post-1303","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-kim-jong-un","tag-north-korea","tag-pen-pal","tag-president-donald-trump","tag-president-trump","tag-pyongyang","tag-trump"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1303","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1303"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1303\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1311,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1303\/revisions\/1311"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1303"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1303"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1303"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}