{"id":1246,"date":"2018-05-06T10:13:10","date_gmt":"2018-05-06T17:13:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1246"},"modified":"2018-05-06T10:13:10","modified_gmt":"2018-05-06T17:13:10","slug":"just-dad-identifying-mom-weekend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1246","title":{"rendered":"Just a Dad Identifying as a Mom for the Weekend"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

My wife recently asked me to go with her to Mom\u2019s Weekend at our daughter\u2019s university.\u00a0 I initially declined and pointed out that I was not, technically, a mom.\u00a0 But after quickly realizing my mistake, I remembered the, \u201cHappy wife, happy life\u201d rule, and reluctantly agreed to go.<\/p>\n

The weekend began with an All-University Sing competition.\u00a0 This competition has been held annually since 1936, and, as you might imagine, the level of competition is fierce.\u00a0 On a scale of 1 to 10, a solid 23\u00bd.\u00a0 Mother grizzlies react with less aggression after finding someone walking off with one of their cubs than these girls.<\/p>\n

This event has routinely been held in Gill Coliseum, but Gill is undergoing remodeling, so the event was moved to the nearby football team\u2019s indoor practice field.\u00a0 Twenty-eight hundred plastic folding chairs were arranged around a stage which could have used a little more height.\u00a0 I\u2019m not complaining, I\u2019m just suggesting that those beyond the first row might like to watch the show.\u00a0 Our seats were on the 50 yard line.\u00a0 Here I am (I stood for the shot) –<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Parents dutifully forked over $20 dollars a ticket to attend the show, except us.\u00a0 We were luckily enough to fall into a \u201cspecial\u201d group of parents whose kids screwed up and missed the deadline to prepurchase tickets.\u00a0 So we got to enjoy paying $25.<\/p>\n

After lining up like cattle outside the practice field, the doors finally opened and the herd burst forward.\u00a0 Someone announced, \u201cNo saving seats,\u201d over the loud speaker as moms threw elbows and dove to cover a span of four or five seats yelling, \u201cThese are saved.\u201d\u00a0 SWAT team members kicking down the door of a drug cartel leader behave more politely.<\/p>\n

The best part of the evening was getting to experience that scene from the movie Cool Hand Luke where the warden yells, \u201cPut\u2019em in the box,\u201d and the guards shove Paul Newman into that little box to bake in the Florida sun.\u00a0 This is because soon after sinking into the luxury of those folding chairs, we began to feel like strips of sirloin hanging in a smoker.\u00a0 The body heat of 2,800 parents trapped under that tin roof turned the place into a terrarium.\u00a0 I didn’t\u00a0 check, but I’m pretty sure that moisture was dripping down the walls.<\/p>\n

The competition ended in our great disappointment and outright shock.\u00a0 Our girl\u2019s team didn\u2019t win. \u00a0Fortunately, we were able to comport ourselves with a degree of grace and dignity, by immediately declaring the event RIGGED.\u00a0 We demanded an independent and thorough investigation.\u00a0 Shortly thereafter, however, all was forgiven, as I, and all the other moms, enjoyed a “spirited” after party.\u00a0 That’s how we moms roll.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My wife recently asked me to go with her to Mom\u2019s Weekend at our daughter\u2019s university.\u00a0 I initially declined and pointed out that I was not, technically, a mom.\u00a0 But after quickly realizing my mistake, I remembered the, \u201cHappy wife, happy life\u201d rule, and reluctantly agreed to go. The weekend began with an All-University Sing […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[682,684,426,681,683],"class_list":["post-1246","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-alpha-phi","tag-cool-hand-luke","tag-oregon-state","tag-osu","tag-sing"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1246","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1246"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1246\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1262,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1246\/revisions\/1262"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1246"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1246"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1246"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}