{"id":1219,"date":"2018-04-17T17:15:45","date_gmt":"2018-04-18T00:15:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1219"},"modified":"2018-04-17T17:15:45","modified_gmt":"2018-04-18T00:15:45","slug":"time-accidentally-ate-seattle-mistake","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1219","title":{"rendered":"That Time I Accidentally Ate Seattle By Mistake"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve put on a pound or two, and by \u201ctwo,\u201d I mean two dozen.\u00a0 I achieved this by strictly adhering to the \u201cFatkins\u201d diet which I explained a couple of weeks ago.\u00a0 If you remember the \u201cfood pyramid\u201d from school, the Fatkins diet is different.\u00a0 Fatkins is more of a \u201cfood circle,\u201d like a pie.\u00a0 A third of the pie represents sugar, a third is fats and the final third is highly processed starches.\u00a0 Oh yeah, and another third is preservatives.\u00a0 It\u2019s an odd shaped pie.<\/p>\n

Recently, my family visited Seattle for the weekend.\u00a0 My accident happened that Saturday night.\u00a0 We spent that afternoon eating a Russian delicacy called a \u201cpiroshky,\u201d at a shop creatively called Piroshky Piroshky.\u00a0 Piroshkies are a pastry stuffed with tasty fillings (for example, Potato and Cheese), inside a carbohydrate-based pocket.\u00a0 So, if you like carbs stuffed inside carbs, this is your place.\u00a0 If Dr. Atkins weren\u2019t already dead, even showing him a piroshky would kill him.\u00a0 Most of these delicacies have all the light and fluffy composition of your typical boat anchor.<\/p>\n

You know how after an alligator swallows an unlucky creature it likes to flop down on a sandy beach for a nap?\u00a0 That was us, but there weren\u2019t any sandy beaches available, so we went back to the Embassy Suites.\u00a0 This was a big mistake, because Embassy Suites offers a \u201cManager\u2019s Reception\u201d every evening – complementary drinks and a bowl of corn chips the size of Cuba.\u00a0 It\u2019s the \u201cBay of Pigs\u201d every evening at Embassy Suites, and I mean this literally.<\/p>\n

On my way back to the hotel I made a commitment that I wouldn\u2019t touch the chips.\u00a0 None.\u00a0 Not a bite.\u00a0 The emphasis I placed on this commitment made it all the more painful as I cleared all the empty chip containers from my table.\u00a0 The problem with eating a cubic square foot of corn chips is that once they enter your stomach, they swell up like a sponge.\u00a0 I had no choice but to head to my room in search of a sandy beach.<\/p>\n

An hour later, my hip daughter Zoe suggested we go to a hip Seattle restaurant called Toulouse Petit Kitchen.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know who named this place, but I can assure you there was nothing petit about it.\u00a0 I sat staring at the menu like a bloated whale.\u00a0 I announced to my family that not only was I not hungry, I was absolutely stuffed to maximum capacity.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t eat another thing.\u00a0 As I struggled to polish off the last of my entr\u00e9e 45 minutes later, I realized that I had officially eaten all recommended food groups of the Fatkins pie.\u00a0 I had eaten all four thirds.<\/p>\n

____________________<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

You made it to the end!\u00a0 Please make my day and Share!<\/span><\/p>\n

(It’s only one click away!)<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve put on a pound or two, and by \u201ctwo,\u201d I mean two dozen.\u00a0 I achieved this by strictly adhering to the \u201cFatkins\u201d diet which I explained a couple of weeks ago.\u00a0 If you remember the \u201cfood pyramid\u201d from school, the Fatkins diet is different.\u00a0 Fatkins is more of a \u201cfood circle,\u201d like a pie.\u00a0 […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[672,671,80],"class_list":["post-1219","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-fatkins","tag-piroshky","tag-seattle"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1219","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1219"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1219\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1227,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1219\/revisions\/1227"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1219"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1219"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1219"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}