{"id":1165,"date":"2018-03-28T07:13:36","date_gmt":"2018-03-28T14:13:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1165"},"modified":"2018-03-28T07:13:36","modified_gmt":"2018-03-28T14:13:36","slug":"high-oregon-oops-meant-hi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1165","title":{"rendered":"“High” From Oregon , Oops, I Meant “Hi”"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Whiplash is a \u201csoft tissue injury\u201d caused when your spine is suddenly, and without warning, slammed into the shape of a Wetzel\u2019s Pretzel.\u00a0 Usually when a car behind you decides to mate with your car.\u00a0 Symptoms include throbbing pain, dizziness, and a sudden urge to call 1-800 Ambulance Chasing Lawyer.com.\u00a0 I recently suffered a whiplash, but I wasn\u2019t rear-ended. \u00a0It was because I live in Oregon.\u00a0 Voters here recently decided to get their Bob Marley on.<\/p>\n

Oregon went from a \u201cStop or we\u2019ll shoot you\u201d state to a \u201cSmoke \u2018em if you got \u2018em\u201d state, in the blink of an eye.\u00a0 What was a felony is now a green thumb.\u00a0 The photo above is the pot shop called Flowr Lyfe that opened around the corner from my office.\u00a0 The same cops who would have Tasered, hogtied and thrown your behind into the hoosegow last year for growing marijuana, now protect both your ingress AND EGRESS as you travel openly to purchase your ganja.<\/p>\n

A freeway billboard outside of town right now, in big, bold letters, asks:\u00a0 \u201cGot Weed?\u201d<\/p>\n

True story.\u00a0 When I was in high school and lacked anything remotely suggesting marketable skills, I found a job washing dormitory windows at Oregon State University.\u00a0 It was miserable, mind-numbing work.\u00a0 The good news was that back then, states weren’t required to obey the federal minimum wage law.\u00a0 So, not only was I slaving away day after day at this miserable task, I was enjoying the self-esteem building experience of earning a \u201csub-minimum\u201d wage, as I recall, about $2.20 an hour.<\/p>\n

In any event, one day when I was enduring another torturous shift in the gulag, I found a small plant growing wild on a rooftop outside one of the windows.\u00a0 I smuggled it home.\u00a0 My mother, who grew and regularly maintained just over one million potted plants, began watering it.\u00a0 Yeah, my saintly mother, as law-abiding a person as you could ever find, was aiding and abetting a felony.\u00a0 Frankly, I forget what happened to the plant.\u00a0 I had no interest in its special powers, and neither did anyone else in my family.\u00a0 I still don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Perhaps my mother\u2019s criminal past is why, when it came time to vote on whether to legalize marijuana, my 84-year-old mother unabashedly marked her ballot \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 So, I guess, when you get right down to it, it is my sweet mother who is actually the culprit responsible for my whiplash.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Whiplash is a \u201csoft tissue injury\u201d caused when your spine is suddenly, and without warning, slammed into the shape of a Wetzel\u2019s Pretzel.\u00a0 Usually when a car behind you decides to mate with your car.\u00a0 Symptoms include throbbing pain, dizziness, and a sudden urge to call 1-800 Ambulance Chasing Lawyer.com.\u00a0 I recently suffered a whiplash, […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[668,669,666,92,667],"class_list":["post-1165","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-legal-marijuana","tag-legalized-marijuana","tag-marijuana","tag-oregon","tag-oregon-marijuana"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1165","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1165"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1165\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1169,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1165\/revisions\/1169"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1165"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1165"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1165"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}