{"id":1150,"date":"2018-03-21T07:41:38","date_gmt":"2018-03-21T14:41:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1150"},"modified":"2018-03-21T07:41:38","modified_gmt":"2018-03-21T14:41:38","slug":"new-fatkins-diet-just-like-atkins-greater-results","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1150","title":{"rendered":"The New Fatkins Diet, Just Like Atkins, Only Greater Results"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The new Fatkins diet is a piece of cake.\u00a0 I mean this literally.<\/em>\u00a0 It is <\/em>a piece of cake, as in, \u201cHave a piece of cake.\u201d\u00a0 I have steadfastly maintained this innovative diet for the last two years, and I can tell you:\u00a0 It gets results!<\/p>\n

The Fatkins diet is a simple modification of the famous Atkins diet. \u00a0Atkins is that diet where you avoid carbohydrates by only eating cheddar cheese and bacon.\u00a0 Fatkins blows Atkins away.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s how Fatkins works-<\/p>\n

Like the Atkins diet, go ahead and enjoy high fat and protein-based food.\u00a0 However, supplement<\/em> this with high carb, starchy, sugar-based items.\u00a0 In fact, sugar-based items play an essential role<\/em> in the Fatkins diet.\u00a0 You are less likely to see the impressive results you might otherwise achieve without eating sufficient sugar-based foods (and tasty snacks).\u00a0 Don\u2019t hold back.\u00a0 Dive in!\u00a0 The results are startling.<\/p>\n

You know a diet is working when others take notice.\u00a0 My wife has been commenting almost daily.\u00a0 Staring in disbelief at times.\u00a0 Here is her most recent statement: \u201cIf you keep this up, people aren\u2019t going to recognize you.\u201d<\/p>\n

My nephew, who for the purposes of this column I will refer to as \u201cJoel,\u201d because his name is Joel, has been on the Caveman diet.\u00a0 Technically, the Caveman diet is called the Paleo diet.\u00a0 The Caveman diet lets you eat anything that a caveman could back when men drug women around by their hair and pooped randomly about the campsite.\u00a0 I am not a fan of the Caveman diet, because if getting a C- in Anthropology taught me anything, it taught me that cavemen only lived into their twenties.\u00a0 In fact, a 25-year-old caveman was a toothless, arthritic codger.<\/p>\n

Look folks, we are only allowed so many precious days on Earth, so we must use our time wisely.\u00a0 We must focus our time on meaningful activities that bring true value to our lives.\u00a0 That\u2019s why I never miss an episode of Survivor.\u00a0 A very \u201ctraditional\u201d diet is extremely popular on Survivor.\u00a0 It\u2019s called the \u201cStarvation\u201d diet.\u00a0 It works like magic.\u00a0 Pounds melt off the contestants.\u00a0 The contest only lasts 39 days, but many of these folks transform from roly-poly to beanstalks by the time they go to the final Tribal Council stinking of fermented coconut milk.\u00a0 The Starvation diet is almost<\/em> as effective as the Fatkins diet.<\/p>\n

So for now, I\u2019m sticking with the Fatkins diet.\u00a0 Cake anyone?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The new Fatkins diet is a piece of cake.\u00a0 I mean this literally.\u00a0 It is a piece of cake, as in, \u201cHave a piece of cake.\u201d\u00a0 I have steadfastly maintained this innovative diet for the last two years, and I can tell you:\u00a0 It gets results! The Fatkins diet is a simple modification of the […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[660,281,664,665,661,662,663],"class_list":["post-1150","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-atkins","tag-atkins-diet","tag-caveman","tag-caveman-diet","tag-diet","tag-paleo","tag-paleo-diet"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1150","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1150"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1150\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1163,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1150\/revisions\/1163"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1150"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1150"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1150"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}