{"id":1074,"date":"2018-02-25T10:45:19","date_gmt":"2018-02-25T18:45:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1074"},"modified":"2018-03-03T08:19:55","modified_gmt":"2018-03-03T16:19:55","slug":"is-there-a-mrs-god","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1074","title":{"rendered":"Is There A Mrs. God?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

My confirmation into the Catholic Church occurred at the age of 12 by a priest who soon thereafter took off with a waitress from Newport, Oregon (or so I\u2019m told).\u00a0 So you have every reason to question my religious training.\u00a0 In fact, I strongly suggest that you do.\u00a0 My point is, we may be making a theological mistake.\u00a0 An incorrect assumption of Biblical proportions.\u00a0 That is: Does God have a wife?\u00a0 Is there a Mrs. God?<\/p>\n

The Bible is filled with clues supporting this conclusion (albeit taken slightly out of context).\u00a0 First, in Genius 1:27, \u201cSo God created man in his own image\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 (Humm\u2026 a thought provoking clue.)\u00a0 Second, in Genius 2:18, \u201cAnd the LORD God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone\u2026.\u201d\u00a0 (Putting two and two together, the plot thickens.)\u00a0 And finally, in Genius 2:25, \u201cOn the eighth day, God sayeth His first joke to Adam, and the punchline was, \u2018Take thy wife\u2026 please!\u2019 And then God slapped his knee and howled at His own joke.\u201d\u00a0 (Okay, this last quote was Fake Bible News, but my scriptural argument was running a little thin.)<\/p>\n

If God has a wife, this creates a number of deep theological questions.\u00a0 First, does she work outside the home?\u00a0 Second, is Mary her mother-in-law?\u00a0 Finally, wouldn\u2019t her house be the universe?\u00a0 Light travels at 186,000 miles per second.\u00a0 We live in the Milky way galaxy which is 100,000 light years across.\u00a0 There are 2 trillion galaxies in the universe.\u00a0 And the universe is 93 billion light years across.\u00a0 So my very technical and theological point is this: That\u2019s a lot of dusting.\u00a0 Mrs. God must be exhausted.\u00a0 And before you call me sexist for suggesting that she is in charge of the cleaning, let me explain.\u00a0 I\u2019ve read the Old Testament.\u00a0 I\u2019ve watched God in action.\u00a0 And let\u2019s just say that he doesn\u2019t exactly strike me as the type who spends a lot of time pushing the Hoover across the family room carpet.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not saying that there is a Mrs. God.\u00a0 I\u2019m just tossing it out there.\u00a0 I am a “Mrs. God agnostic.”\u00a0 But, if there is a Mrs. God, my formative religious training makes me wonder.\u00a0 Was she was once a waitress in Newport?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My confirmation into the Catholic Church occurred at the age of 12 by a priest who soon thereafter took off with a waitress from Newport, Oregon (or so I\u2019m told).\u00a0 So you have every reason to question my religious training.\u00a0 In fact, I strongly suggest that you do.\u00a0 My point is, we may be making […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[645,644,646],"class_list":["post-1074","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-god","tag-mrs-god","tag-religious-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1074","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1074"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1074\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1080,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1074\/revisions\/1080"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1074"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1074"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1074"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}