{"id":1034,"date":"2017-07-01T09:38:20","date_gmt":"2017-07-01T16:38:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1034"},"modified":"2017-08-07T10:35:49","modified_gmt":"2017-08-07T17:35:49","slug":"secret-enjoying-oregons-solar-eclipse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1034","title":{"rendered":"How to Maximize the Oregon Solar Eclipse Experience"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I think I speak for everyone when I say that few topics are funnier than a solar eclipse, because few things are funnier than praying your small children and pets won\u2019t burn a hole in their retinas staring directly at the sun.\u00a0 And as if that isn\u2019t funny enough, we here in Oregon aren\u2019t just worried about any old pedestrian solar eclipse.\u00a0 We are bracing for a TOTAL eclipse.\u00a0 So, not only do we have to worry that our children and pets will burn out their retinas, we have to worry that they will TOTALLY burn out their retinas!<\/p>\n

On August 21st<\/sup>, the moon will pass in front of the sun and turn day into night.\u00a0 The path of this \u201cTotal Eclipse\u201d is a 70 mile wide swath which will stretch from South Carolina across the US and through Oregon.\u00a0 The excitement here in Oregon is electric.\u00a0 Official local tv news reporters (identifiable by their Official windbreakers) are already announcing that the Total Eclipse will be Incredible!\u00a0 Almost impossible to describe.\u00a0 Well, unless you can picture every time you\u2019ve walked outside at night.\u00a0 Then you CAN actually picture it.\u00a0 (In fact, isn\u2019t this just a \u201cmini nighttime?\u201d)\u00a0 Should we really be getting excited about it?\u00a0 YES!\u00a0 Yes, we should!\u00a0 Because the media has told us to.\u00a0 The excitement is palpable! (We are told.)\u00a0 And this is absolutely true!\u00a0 It is true among high school science teachers, amateur astronomers and the owners of flea bag motels.\u00a0 According to the news media, every hotel room and camping site has been booked for the last one million years.\u00a0 So if you want to experience the delight of being in the dark for about two minutes (during the daytime!!!), bring a sleeping bag.\u00a0 You\u2019ll be camping out in a culvert.<\/p>\n

And remember, the best part of viewing a solar eclipse is getting to wear those special protective glasses.\u00a0 Not just because they keep you from burning your eyes out, but because they make you look so snazzy.\u00a0 I\u2019ve already been wearing my pair around town.\u00a0 (The envious looks I get from strangers is priceless.)<\/p>\n

So grab your sleeping bag, head to Oregon on August 21st<\/sup>, and prepare to be astounded!\u00a0 You will get to wear Special Glasses!\u00a0 It will be Dark!\u00a0 During the Daytime!!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I think I speak for everyone when I say that few topics are funnier than a solar eclipse, because few things are funnier than praying your small children and pets won\u2019t burn a hole in their retinas staring directly at the sun.\u00a0 And as if that isn\u2019t funny enough, we here in Oregon aren\u2019t just […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[625,629,630,626,627,628],"class_list":["post-1034","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-eclipse","tag-oregon-eclipse","tag-oregon-solar-eclipse","tag-solar-eclipse","tag-total-eclipse","tag-total-solar-eclipse"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1034","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1034"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1034\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1050,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1034\/revisions\/1050"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1034"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1034"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1034"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}