{"id":1029,"date":"2017-06-25T14:37:30","date_gmt":"2017-06-25T21:37:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1029"},"modified":"2017-06-25T14:37:30","modified_gmt":"2017-06-25T21:37:30","slug":"never-betray-hummingbird","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1029","title":{"rendered":"Why You Should Never Betray a Hummingbird"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>By Jack Edwards<\/strong><\/p>\n

My hummingbird feeder is notable for three reasons:\u00a0 1. It\u2019s antiseptically clean, 2. It\u2019s filled with fresh delicious \u201cnectar,\u201d and 3. It\u2019s completely devoid<\/em> of hummingbirds.\u00a0 In fact, several local hummingbirds have not only requested, but RECEIVED, a declaration from the Oregon Hummingbird Association to ban my feeder.<\/p>\n

Here is what I know for a fact about hummingbirds: 1. They are super tiny, 2. They flap their wings super fast, and 3. They hold petty grudges.\u00a0 \u201cBut, Jack,\u201d you say, \u201cyou\u2019re not a licensed ornithologist. \u00a0You don\u2019t know anything about animal psychology \u2013 except for what you picked up reading Marley and Me<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 This may be true, but you need to remember one thing, Marley and Me<\/em> was a great book.\u00a0 They even made it into a movie.\u00a0 And one other thing, I got my birding education the old fashion way, from the Ornithological School of Hard Knocks.<\/p>\n

Last summer, our neighbors down the street, we call them \u201cThe Poodle People,\u201d because they have standard-sized poodles, invited us to dinner.\u00a0 We ate on the Poodle People\u2019s back patio.\u00a0 And much to our delight, about 500 hummingbird feeders where hanging everywhere.\u00a0 Okay, more like four or five, but in any event, it was the Grand Central Station of hummingbirds.\u00a0 We loved it.<\/p>\n

My wife promptly bought a hummingbird feeder, and we hung it in our backyard.\u00a0 In no time, a skinny drab-gray colored hummingbird \u201ctook possession\u201d of it.\u00a0 This hummingbird had all the grace and hospitality of your average serial killer.\u00a0 If any other hummingbird so much as flew within a mile, it would launch a vicious, all-out, kamikaze-style attack. \u00a0And it is here, sadly, that I must make my confession.<\/p>\n

Due to the uninspiring physical appearance of our mean-spirited hummingbird, I stopped filling the feeder.\u00a0 I abandoned it\u2026 but only for a short time<\/em>.\u00a0 By \u201cshort time,\u201d I mean the end of last summer, into fall, through winter, and concluding at the end of spring.\u00a0 Okay\u2026 and just into the first part of this summer.\u00a0 Unfortunately, within this short time, word spread through the hummingbird community that this feeder was a \u201cdry hole.\u201d\u00a0 The more ornery hummingbirds wrote letters to the editor criticizing my neglect.\u00a0 Other, more unruly hummingbirds, organized protest marches (at least the ones living up in Portland).\u00a0 Property was damaged.\u00a0 Cars were overturned.<\/p>\n

As a result, when I filled my feeder three weeks ago, the hummingbirds (even the less attract ones) turned up their noses (if they have noses).<\/p>\n

My options are now limited. \u00a0Tomorrow, I\u2019m going over to the Poodle People\u2019s backyard to offer my sincere apology.\u00a0 If that doesn\u2019t work, I only have one choice left.\u00a0 I\u2019ll throw away the feeder and buy a dog that looks like the one from Marley and Me<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Jack Edwards My hummingbird feeder is notable for three reasons:\u00a0 1. It\u2019s antiseptically clean, 2. It\u2019s filled with fresh delicious \u201cnectar,\u201d and 3. It\u2019s completely devoid of hummingbirds.\u00a0 In fact, several local hummingbirds have not only requested, but RECEIVED, a declaration from the Oregon Hummingbird Association to ban my feeder. Here is what I […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[619,620,623,621,622,624],"class_list":["post-1029","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-hummingbird","tag-hummingbird-feeder","tag-hummingbird-humor","tag-marley-and-me","tag-oregon-hummingbirds","tag-oregon-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1029","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1029"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1029\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1033,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1029\/revisions\/1033"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1029"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1029"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1029"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}