{"id":102,"date":"2013-08-29T06:29:02","date_gmt":"2013-08-29T13:29:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=102"},"modified":"2018-07-17T20:36:23","modified_gmt":"2018-07-18T03:36:23","slug":"dr-edwards-paging-dr-edwards","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=102","title":{"rendered":"Dr. Edwards, Paging Dr. Edwards!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Trust<\/a><\/p>\n

After careful consideration and deep soul searching, I have decided to quit my job and become a doctor.\u00a0 No, I didn\u2019t say go to medical school, don\u2019t be silly.\u00a0 I\u2019m much too old for that.\u00a0 I\u2019ve just decided to become a doctor, as in start telling people I\u2019m a doctor and begin practicing medicine.\u00a0 I\u2019m ready for the challenge the practice of medicine provides and, of course, the heavy burden of this serious responsibility.<\/p>\n

I am not rushing headlong into my new profession.\u00a0 My decision was the result of personal observations of medical doctors both concerning my occasional ailments, as well as those around me.\u00a0 I have concluded, through such careful observation, that 99% of the time, the scientific diagnosis procedure involves the doctor asking a few simple questions and then pulling a Magic 8 Ball from his pocket and giving it a good shake.\u00a0 This was underscored to me when my wife, after seeing three different doctors for a severe acid reflux problem, spending thousands of dollars and undergoing an unpleasant procedure where the last one, a specialist<\/i>, stuck a stick with a camera on it down into her stomach for a good looksee, finally went to see a naturopath.\u00a0 The naturopath took all of five nanoseconds to correctly diagnosis her as being lactose intolerant and charged her a buck ninety-five.\u00a0 Now, before you think I\u2019m unfairly judging my new colleagues and their medical protocols, I am not.\u00a0 It is very difficult to meet and diagnosis the requisite 2,000 patients per hour to sustain a vacation home in Rancho Mirage and three weeks a year in Cancun.\u00a0 The results I plan to get using my iPhone and a little game changer I like to call the \u201cCollege of WebMD\u201d will surely be more accurate.\u00a0 I\u2019m confident that I\u2019ll be in the top 75% of my profession within the first week.<\/p>\n

Because I don\u2019t want to actually set up my own private practice (too much cumbersome paperwork), I plan to apply to a few group practices.\u00a0 I figure I\u2019ll start with family medicine.\u00a0 Yes, this will take a resume, but understand that everyone in medicine including the office managers are all so overwhelmed that the odds of anyone actually checking the accuracy of my resume is less than one percent.\u00a0 Given that, I\u2019ve decided, what the heck, why not jazz it up?\u00a0 So I\u2019ve noted an undergraduate degree in Biology from M.I.T. (at least I hope they offer a Biology degree), and my medical degree from Harvard (yeah, go big or go home).\u00a0 And I\u2019m not completely sure what the difference is between a residency and a fellowship, but I think I have the order right, so I completed my residency at the Cleveland Clinic (which I am particularly proud of), and a fellowship at the Vanderbilt Medical Center. \u00a0See, in the unlikely event that someone questions me about my resume, I\u2019ll slip in a comment about Vanderbilt, and the next thing you know we\u2019ll be talking about Nashville and country music and about how Garth Brooks was discovered at the Bluebird Caf\u00e9.\u00a0 Nyuck, Nyuck.\u00a0 I know that many of you are wondering why I don\u2019t play it safe and put down, for example, the Jamaican College of Medicine, where, if it even exists, record keeping might be a little loose.\u00a0 Yeah, I thought of that, but if you\u2019re going to be a fake doctor, at least take pride in your fake credentials.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t worry, I have no plans to operate right away.\u00a0 And I also have no plans on turning my back on keeping up with my profession by ignoring the primary source of medical advancements \u2013 the pharmaceutical representative.\u00a0 I recognize that these clean cut and well-dress young people with their degrees in English Literature and two weeks of training in Hoboken, New Jersey, are the backbone of the medical profession.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be all ears when they call to tell me how to treat my patients.\u00a0 After all, they always<\/i> have clinical studies<\/i> to support their advice.\u00a0 Both the health of my patients and the health of Big Pharma are safe with me.\u00a0 And if you happen to show up at my clinic, please keep your yap shut.\u00a0 You have nothing to worry about, because, only as a backup precaution mind you, I\u2019ll always keep a Magic 8 Ball in my pocket.<\/b><\/p>\n

_______<\/p>\n

WAIT! \u00a0You\u2019re not done yet.\u00a0 Earn good karma!\u00a0 Please comment and share on Facebook, Twitter or your other favorite apps.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

And Subscribe!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s free and easy, and each new Jocularious column will arrive in your inbox.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a Three Minute Vacation for your Brain<\/em>.<\/p>\n

______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Check out these great books:<\/p>\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> at \u2013<\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/p>\n

Seven Rules for the College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/p>\n

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

After careful consideration and deep soul searching, I have decided to quit my job and become a doctor.\u00a0 No, I didn\u2019t say go to medical school, don\u2019t be silly.\u00a0 I\u2019m much too old for that.\u00a0 I\u2019ve just decided to become a doctor, as in start telling people I\u2019m a doctor and begin practicing medicine.\u00a0 I\u2019m […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[47,45,18,44,46,532,38,39,43,29,42],"class_list":["post-102","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-big-pharma","tag-bluebird-cafe","tag-funny","tag-garth-brooks","tag-hoboken","tag-humor","tag-magic-8-ball","tag-mit","tag-nashville","tag-new-jersey","tag-vanderbilt-medical-center"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/102","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=102"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/102\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1392,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/102\/revisions\/1392"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=102"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=102"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=102"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}