The Great Toilet Paper Heist
We renovated an entire cottage, installed new floors, upgraded appliances… but the real threat to our success?
Toilet paper bandits.
Tag: Humor
How to Live Dangerously from the Comfort of Your Own Living Room
One of my readers recently asked me if I ever just made something up. Whether I’d written something that wasn’t true – even outright lied. As you can imagine, I was shocked. l was deeply offended that anyone would feel the need to ask this. Of course, I lie! I lie in my columns all […]
The Absolutely True Story of the World’s Most Evil Veterinarian
I shamelessly stole this story from a friend who I will refer to for the purposes of this column as “Bo.” This is because his true, accurate and legal name is Bo Mackey. Bo told me this story in confidence, so please, whatever you do, keep it to yourself. It is now my favorite story. […]
The Secret to Keeping Your Family’s Mitts Off Your Stuff
My beautiful daughter bought me a Hydro Flask for my birthday. I was touched by her thoughtfulness – for nearly 24 hours. Then I realized that she had taken the saying, “When you buy a gift, buy something you’d like to have yourself,” a little too far. It dawned on me that she had IN […]
How Oregon Wildlife Officials are like Drug Dealers
By Jack Edwards We’ll get to the disturbing similarities between wildlife officials and drug dealers in a moment, but first, the background: Every year, the Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife holds a “Free Fishing Weekend.” This is the one weekend of the year that people can fish without a license. Now, let it be […]
Top Three Funny Things About Being the Victim of a Smash and Grab
By Jack Edwards I know what you’re thinking. With all the humor that a smash and grab creates, why limit the list to three? Well, I’ve got to draw the line somewhere, and I need to reserve time to sweep up the glass and get the repair estimates. So here’s the story- My daughter, who […]
Why Alaskan Moose Don’t Attend Kindergarten
Every word of this story is true. Well, almost every word of this story is true. Okay, part of this story is true. Okay, okay, this story was inspired by a true story (that someone told me about). Let’s call it, “Hollywood true.” It involves a man being abducted by aliens who conducted a series […]
I Hit a Pothole on My Rosetta Stone Road
I began studying Korean four weeks ago by optimistically learning the sentence: “Please speak Korean very slowly.” After putting in this time, one thing has become abundantly clear. As a result, I have learned a new sentence. This new sentence will be instrumental during my trip to Korea this fall. Here is my new sentence: […]
Extreme Vetting: Family Pet Edition
I am OFFICIALLY calling on the United States Commerce Department to launch an “all out investigation” into the devious and patently unfair marketing strategy (i.e. “scheme”) of one of our nation’s preeminent industries. I think you know what industry I’m talking about. I also think you agree with me that this industry has been “coddled” […]
Ken Kesey Owes Me $5.20
Yesterday, I accidentally ate a hamburger the size of a Greyhound Bus. Only it didn’t go down so smooth. This was all Ken Kesey’s fault. Yeah, I know he’s dead, but that doesn’t make it right. I live in Eugene, Oregon, where author and Grateful Dead groupie Ken Kesey is revered. He’s like a white […]