Like you, I have been watching too much tv lately. And now that all the dead people have finally mailed in their ballots for “Good ‘ole Joe,” Wolf Blitzer can get back to hyperventilating over Covid-19. This is important, because after a mere two million hours of coverage, the media is sensing that we, the […]
If I may speak seriously for a moment, I need to make one thing clear. I stand on principle, and there is one principle on which I will not compromise. Here it is: Even if it only saves one life, implementing every safeguard to prevent the spread of Covid-19 is critical during this pivotal moment […]
Thank you for fulfilling your patriotic duty of gaining 15 pounds during the Covid-19 lockdown. On behalf of the United States of America, we honor your service… and your appetite. You are now an official member of the Covid-15 Club. Carry those extra pounds with pride. You’ve earned it. Unfortunately, your knee joints are members […]
Whale watching is a safe activity. At least, I always thought so, until a whale tried to kill me. Let me explain. The Oregon coast is a great place to watch whales. My family has a beach house in the little town of Depoe Bay. Locals and tourists enjoy standing along the seawall and gazing […]
Learning how to adapt to the “new normal” has been a challenge for everyone. Oliver the Cat is no exception. In fact, it has weighed heavily on his mind. So heavily, he realized he needed to take immediate action to resolve this issue. And by “immediate action,” of course, I mean take a seven-hour nap. […]
My daughter gave me a beautiful Reyn Spooner mask for Fathers’ Day. Yes, as disturbing as it is, you can now buy a designer facemask. I’ve been a collector of Reyn Spooner Hawaiian shirts for years, and she knew I would love one of their new facemasks. And she was right! (Thank you, Zoe!) It […]
A plague looms over us. A plague so ominous it threatens our very way of life. A life-threatening plague. I am, of course, speaking about the invasion of the Murder Hornets. I survived the last media-inspired killer insect scare back in the 1970s – the “Killer Bees.” As a veteran of the Killer Bee Hysteria, […]
Good news! Pretty soon your exhausting schedule of getting up at 10 a.m., eating ice cream straight from the container and pondering how many days it’s been since you last showered will come to an end. Now is the time to prepare for your transition back to the “New Normal.” You may be wondering what […]
Fearing the worst, Milo the Dog took a moment from licking his privates to draw up a contingency plan to survive the COVID-19 crisis. Here are a few takeaways: 1. “First things first,” said Milo, “dogs can’t contract the coronavirus. So at least there’s that.” He continued, “Apparently, cats can get COVID-19.” “Good luck, Oliver!” […]
All of this “sheltering in place” is getting a little old. Mental health experts recommend finding a goal to accomplish during this time. For example – Reading books you’ve had trouble finding time for. Studying a foreign language. Crocheting a blanket. As it turns out, my goal appears to be putting on 20 pounds. In […]