By Jack Edwards The three happiest people on Earth are, in ascending order: #3. Lotteries winners (before the relatives find out), #2. Patients whose cancer tests have come back negative, and (in a dominant first position) #1. Airline passengers who have just landed after a long flight seated in the dreaded middle seat. Here are […]
By Jack Edwards If I had to describe myself in one word, that word would be “omnivore.” “Omni” meaning “eats everything.” And “Vore” meaning “which is not securely nailed down.” Merriam-Webster.com defines omnivorous as, “avidly taking in everything as if devouring or consuming.” Not merely “taking in,” mind you, but “avidly taking in.” (Avidly, meaning […]
By Jack Edwards When trendsetting Americans think of weight loss, they think of three things: Diet, Exercise and, of course, Caffeine-infused underwear. Well, at least they used to think of caffeine-infused underwear, until the Federal Trade Commission gave the companies marketing these undies an atomic wedgie two weeks ago. (FTC motto: “We spend billions saving […]
By Jack Edwards Few things are more fundamentally wholesome than a high school fundraiser – a bake sale, a bottle drive, or, in the case of my daughter’s cross country team, a forced run of out-of-shape parents over a grueling 5K race course. And if you aren’t a runner or haven’t used the metric system […]
By Jack Edwards I don’t know why we humans are so fascinated with toilets. But we are. It’s in our DNA. From the first time a Neanderthal dug a small hole in the ground and presented it with beaming pride to his Neanderthal wife, we have found few items of greater interest. This is especially […]
By Jack Edwards My daughter attends a university which is conveniently located two thousand miles away. This year, I didn’t think I’d be able to attend “Dad’s Weekend” until the last minute, which meant that scheduling flights was a challenge, but luckily, I was able to book an airline itinerary which only included 25 legs. […]
By Jack Edwards A traditional Chinese curse has become popular in America. I discovered, however, as a result of my in-depth research on my iPhone (a full two seconds) that this “traditional Chinese curse” is about as Chinese as Irish Potato Stew. Nevertheless, it goes: “May you live in interesting times.” And we certainly do. […]
By Jack Edwards The first step in selling a home is for the owner to hand over the keys of his three bedroom, two bath ranch to a real estate agent who then floods the market with ads describing it as the Palace of Versailles. Real estate agents know that the average homebuyer is looking […]
By Jack Edwards Our story begins eons ago, in prehistoric times. A dark and primitive period otherwise referred to in Archeology textbooks as 1975. During this epoch, mankind’s early ancestors with their broad, sloping foreheads and barrel shaped torsos began each day by mixing freeze-dried crystals into hot water, taking a sip, and then declaring […]
By Jack Edwards Think of your three favorite states. Ask others to list their three favorite states. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, they will not list three states. They will list the same state, three times in a row. And that state, of course, will be Oklahoma. The Oklahoma state motto says it all: […]