My Visit with an Adorable Pyromaniac

My two-year-old grandson visited over the weekend.  For the purposes of this story, I’ll refer to him as “Bartholomew.”  That is not his real name.  If I used his real name, my daughter would mount my head on a stick. Then she’d plant it next to the street as a gentle reminder to others of […]

Apparently, I Look Like John D. Rockefeller

This morning I pulled my pickup into a parking space at a freeway rest stop, and a guy tapped on my window.  This is not the best way to begin the day. Best case scenario, he needs directions. Worst case – I get kidnapped, and my wife counteroffers the ransom demand with, “I’m afraid you’ve […]

Is Curling Just Golf for the Clinically Insane?

Like everyone during the winter Olympics, I turn on the TV each night hoping that they will be featuring my favorite, and most exiting competition – Curling! Just kidding!  Like EVERYONE, I sigh with dread each time they show it.  Why don’t they show more of the half pipe?  That’s what we’re thinking.  Snowboarders flying […]

The Great Toilet Paper Heist

We renovated an entire cottage, installed new floors, upgraded appliances… but the real threat to our success?

Toilet paper bandits.

Yes, I Am Now Officially an MPG Denier!

By Jack Edwards     I’m selling my Honda Accord because I just bought a Ford F-150 pickup.  You might wonder why someone would buy a pickup when he has a Honda Accord in excellent condition, and it gets over 38 miles per gallon.  Two reasons.  First, an overwhelming urge to spend twice as much on gas.  […]

My First Sailing Lesson: Nobody Warned Me It Would Involve Physics!

The list of items to take to my first sailing lesson concerned me.  It included, “a change of clothes,” followed by the comment, “You will get wet!”  Most of the items seemed fine – “sunglasses,” “US Coast Guard approved lifejacket.”  But I was alarmed to see the final item on the list – “rosary beads.”  […]

Just Because A Store Is Open 24 Hours Does NOT Mean You Should Shop At 4 AM

The fact that the parking lot was a barren landscape was the first sign that I should have abandoned my plan to shop and immediately made my escape. Nevertheless, like the stupid teenager in the horror film who goes down into the basement to investigate where all the blood and screaming is coming from, I […]

When I First Heard the Term “The Silent Killer” I Thought They Were Talking About a Fart

I recently made the enormous mistake of taking my blood pressure on one of those home testing machines.  When I saw the reading, it almost gave me a heart attack!  Let me put it this way, if my blood pressure was the stock market, we’d all be lighting cigars with hundred-dollar bills and sipping Dom […]

Expecting a Baby Boy? Why Not Name Him Judas?

Fun Fact: Jesus didn’t just have one disciple named Judas, he had two.  Seriously!  There was that infamous Judas Iscariot, the scoundrel that betrayed him, and a lesser-known Judas.  I spent an afternoon at the University of Oregon library researching the second Judas, because I wanted to know more about him and his full name.  […]

Nothing Says “No Smoking” Like a Conveniently Located Ashtray

Earlier this year, I had the pleasure of enjoying a short 14-hour flight from Tel Aviv to San Francisco.  And, I don’t want to brag, but I was flying coach.  I would have measured my leg room, but I forgot my micrometer.  Fourteen hours is plenty of time to sit and ponder.  It’s also time […]