No, I didn’t make it all the way home with my grocery bag on top of my car, but I darn well gave it my best! I am many things, but I AM NOT A QUITTER! When I got home, I put the bag back on top to memorialize my stupidity for posterity, and, of […]
Those of you old enough to remember the 1988 winter Olympics may recall a ski jumper nicknamed, “Eddie the Eagle.” Eddie was a British plasterer (yes, this is both a word and a profession) turned ski jumper who was so bad they made a movie about him. Eddie ski jumped with as much grace and […]
Thank you for fulfilling your patriotic duty of gaining 15 pounds during the Covid-19 lockdown. On behalf of the United States of America, we honor your service… and your appetite. You are now an official member of the Covid-15 Club. Carry those extra pounds with pride. You’ve earned it. Unfortunately, your knee joints are members […]
Whale watching is a safe activity. At least, I always thought so, until a whale tried to kill me. Let me explain. The Oregon coast is a great place to watch whales. My family has a beach house in the little town of Depoe Bay. Locals and tourists enjoy standing along the seawall and gazing […]
Citing concern for player safety, the NFL announced today that it will modify the game this season to what it is promoting as, “The most exciting brand of flag football ever before played!” The NFL has released a new tagline: “It’s flag Lightning, Baby!” In keeping with Center for Disease Control guidelines, the “flags” will […]
This week in presidential campaign news: On the Joe Biden front – Speaking through the drainpipe from his basement, Biden read a prepared statement to the delight of salivating news reporters hovered in his yard above. Biden ended his remarks by anticipating reporters’ questions, though not taking any questions. He gently questioned the wisdom of […]
Let’s not kid ourselves. When we think about what’s really important in life, we think about family. We think about friends. We think about deeply meaningful experiences. And, of course, we think about the most important thing – MONEY. This is why I feel compelled to share my no-frills, “guaranteed to get you a […]
Learning how to adapt to the “new normal” has been a challenge for everyone. Oliver the Cat is no exception. In fact, it has weighed heavily on his mind. So heavily, he realized he needed to take immediate action to resolve this issue. And by “immediate action,” of course, I mean take a seven-hour nap. […]
All of us remember when we found out Santa Claus wasn’t real. It was a devastating blow. This was despite our suspecting as much for some time. I suffered a similar blow yesterday. My wife patted me on the stomach, over my beautiful Hawaiian shirt, and told me POINT BLANK, “Your stomach’s sticking out.” Suddenly, […]
My daughter gave me a beautiful Reyn Spooner mask for Fathers’ Day. Yes, as disturbing as it is, you can now buy a designer facemask. I’ve been a collector of Reyn Spooner Hawaiian shirts for years, and she knew I would love one of their new facemasks. And she was right! (Thank you, Zoe!) It […]