Thank you for fulfilling your patriotic duty of gaining 15 pounds during the Covid-19 lockdown. On behalf of the United States of America, we honor your service… and your appetite. You are now an official member of the Covid-15 Club. Carry those extra pounds with pride. You’ve earned it. Unfortunately, your knee joints are members […]
Whale watching is a safe activity. At least, I always thought so, until a whale tried to kill me. Let me explain. The Oregon coast is a great place to watch whales. My family has a beach house in the little town of Depoe Bay. Locals and tourists enjoy standing along the seawall and gazing […]
Citing concern for player safety, the NFL announced today that it will modify the game this season to what it is promoting as, “The most exciting brand of flag football ever before played!” The NFL has released a new tagline: “It’s flag Lightning, Baby!” In keeping with Center for Disease Control guidelines, the “flags” will […]
This week in presidential campaign news: On the Joe Biden front – Speaking through the drainpipe from his basement, Biden read a prepared statement to the delight of salivating news reporters hovered in his yard above. Biden ended his remarks by anticipating reporters’ questions, though not taking any questions. He gently questioned the wisdom of […]
Let’s not kid ourselves. When we think about what’s really important in life, we think about family. We think about friends. We think about deeply meaningful experiences. And, of course, we think about the most important thing – MONEY. This is why I feel compelled to share my no-frills, “guaranteed to get you a […]
Learning how to adapt to the “new normal” has been a challenge for everyone. Oliver the Cat is no exception. In fact, it has weighed heavily on his mind. So heavily, he realized he needed to take immediate action to resolve this issue. And by “immediate action,” of course, I mean take a seven-hour nap. […]
All of us remember when we found out Santa Claus wasn’t real. It was a devastating blow. This was despite our suspecting as much for some time. I suffered a similar blow yesterday. My wife patted me on the stomach, over my beautiful Hawaiian shirt, and told me POINT BLANK, “Your stomach’s sticking out.” Suddenly, […]
My daughter gave me a beautiful Reyn Spooner mask for Fathers’ Day. Yes, as disturbing as it is, you can now buy a designer facemask. I’ve been a collector of Reyn Spooner Hawaiian shirts for years, and she knew I would love one of their new facemasks. And she was right! (Thank you, Zoe!) It […]
Video footage of people looting and ransacking everything from neighborhood markets to Lois Vuitton stores has blanketed media outlets. We sit stunned as we witness the destruction and mayhem. And as we watch this looting break out across the nation, we are all gripped by one unifying thought: Why didn’t I invest in plywood? I […]
Bill Burr is a tremendously talented stand-up comedian and actor. He makes his living communicating. You may recall your seventh grade English teacher telling you that effective communication requires using the precise word to express your thought. Bill Burr understands this better than anyone. He is, in essence, a wordsmith. As it turns out, Bill […]