When you think of a healthy diet, you think of the same store I do – the health-conscious, grocery boutique called Costco. Nothing says “I’m living a heathy lifestyle” like buying a ham as big as your head. (I have a really large head.) I was in Costco today buying that ham, when it dawned […]
My family was busted for the crime of walking our dog. We were at Silver Falls State Park in Oregon. We hadn’t got 50 feet down the trail before the ranger was on us like stink on a monkey. We vehemently claimed our innocence; however, the ranger grilled us about a sign we had walked […]
I have never felt so close to the TSA as I did when they required me to undergo an “enhanced” search to board a flight to, of all places, Omaha. I’m not saying that the TSA agent did anything wrong. But, to describe the search in high school terms, by the time he finished, he […]
I asked my daughter if she was enjoying her Disney World vacation as we inched forward in line. “Dad,” she groaned, “We’re in Safeway.” “A line’s a line,” I replied, “and they say getting there’s half the fun.” Enjoying a Disney vacation from the comfort and convenience of your local grocery store doesn’t “technically” allow […]
My daughter attends my alma mater, Oregon State University. My most recent visit to OSU found me wandering past a building and a particularly disturbing memory popped into my head. When I attended OSU, this building’s basement contained something you would expect to find at an esteemed institution of higher education — classrooms, faculty offices, […]
We cringe whenever someone says, “Let me tell you about the dream I had last night.” Yikes! Other than invasive dental procedures, is there anything worse? That said, let me tell you about a dream I had last night. First, the backstory. There are two traditional rules about attending church. Number 1: Be on time, […]
This is NOT a “hit job” on McDonald’s. Okay, it is a hit job on McDonald’s. However, in my defense, McDonald’s drew first blood. To fully understand this column, you must have seen that commercial where the young McDonald’s employee shows up at McDonald’s and tells his manger that he has received his college acceptance […]
I recently received a 6” x 9” envelope in the mail that took six days to arrive. But, of course, it was sent from a very distance city. On another continent, you ask? Not quite. It was mailed from Salem, Oregon, about 60 miles away. Sixty miles! SIX DAYS! That’s one day for every ten […]
My wife and I decided to spend a week in Washington D.C. helping to Make America Great Again. So far I’ve only managed to make myself fat again (or, I should say, fatter again). However, between bites, I’m doing my best to help the MAGA effort. I don’t tour the White House until tomorrow morning, […]
An Open Letter to My Facebook Friends: Let me begin by stating that I have been quietly, but very closely, monitoring your posts about Donald Trump. I have been reading your heartfelt messages, and I have been clicking on your media links. Each has served to underscore my belief that we hold the same opinion […]