{"id":2722,"date":"2021-08-17T12:49:46","date_gmt":"2021-08-17T19:49:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2722"},"modified":"2021-08-19T14:15:48","modified_gmt":"2021-08-19T21:15:48","slug":"im-concerned-that-this-10-pounds-i-just-put-on-in-vegas-isnt-staying-in-vegas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2722","title":{"rendered":"I’m Afraid This 10 Pounds I Just Put On In Vegas, Isn’t Staying In Vegas"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

For the\nrecord, my wife and I didn\u2019t go to Vegas to drink and gamble, we went to\ncelebrate her friend\u2019s 50th<\/sup> birthday.  That said, I did drink and gamble.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

From the\nbeginning, I was doomed to having a more difficult time slipping back into that\ncoach seat for my return trip.  Vegas is\nlike a cruise ship.  Food is EVERYWHERE!  Vegas should just get it over with and change\nits name to the S.S. Las Vegas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The actual birthday event, and I kid you not, was held at an ALL YOU CAN EAT restaurant.  Not at an \u201cAll you CARE to eat\u201d restaurant; those restaurants are located in Santa Monica.  Toward the end of the meal, I was surrounded by a sea of people groaning in pain, and this was BEFORE it was time for cake.  The birthday cake turned out to be a mountain of cupcakes just slightly taller than Mount Everest.  And the frosting on each one was taller than the cake itself.  I wasn\u2019t hungry by that point, but I was facing an awkward social dilemma.  I was raised to always politely accept a host\u2019s dessert, even if only a very small serving.  So, I had eight of them.  Okay, I just had one.  (One too many!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet another challenge awaited me at the Paris Casino sports bar.  I took a seat at the bar to donate money to a charitable organization called, \u201cFeed America\u2019s Casino Moguls.\u201d  And what do I find sitting smackdab four feet in front of me?  A pina colada machine the size of a city bus.  It just sat there churning the creamy confection.  Look folks, I\u2019m only mortal.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had three\nof them.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Okay, I just had one.  It turns out that the recipe for pina coladas at the Paris Casino is a complex mixture of exotic ingredients.  Because I have a discerning palate, I\u2019ll take a guess at the ingredient list: ten parts sugar to ten parts rum.  One sip would kill a hummingbird, or at least put him in the hospital.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As my loyal\nreaders know, I have a staunch policy to blame others for my mistakes.  In this case, I\u2019m going to blame Covid for my\nweight gain.  Here\u2019s why \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

During this\nvisit, the mask mandate was in full force in Vegas.  If you are not \u201cactively eating or drinking,\u201d\nsomebody\u2019s carping at you to pull your mask up. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Needless to\nsay, I don\u2019t like wearing a mask.  So, as\na result, and per Dr. Fauci\u2019s recommendations, I kept eating.  And eating. \nAnd eating.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s put it\nthis way.  My weight gain happened in\nVegas, but sadly, it didn\u2019t stay in Vegas.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For the record, my wife and I didn\u2019t go to Vegas to drink and gamble, we went to celebrate her friend\u2019s 50th birthday.  That said, I did drink and gamble.  From the beginning, I was doomed to having a more difficult time slipping back into that coach seat for my return trip.  Vegas is like […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2723,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[1024,1023,1025],"class_list":["post-2722","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-staying-in-vegas-humor","tag-vegas-humor","tag-weight-gain-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/Vegas.jpeg?fit=3112%2C2609","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2722","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2722"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2722\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2735,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2722\/revisions\/2735"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2723"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2722"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2722"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2722"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}