{"id":2707,"date":"2021-08-12T13:27:56","date_gmt":"2021-08-12T20:27:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2707"},"modified":"2021-08-21T16:59:16","modified_gmt":"2021-08-21T23:59:16","slug":"how-loving-my-wife-might-land-me-in-jail","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2707","title":{"rendered":"How Loving My Wife Might Land Me in Jail"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

My wife and\nI got hooked on beachcombing for rocks by our friend, who for the purposes of\nthis column, I will refer to as, \u201cKaty,\u201d because her name is Katy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Katy is to rock collecting as an F-350 Ford pickup is to gasoline – She can\u2019t get enough.   Her appetite for rocks is NEVER quenched.  I have personally witnessed this woman single-handedly drag a rock the size of a Buick Skylark off a beach, UP A CLIFF, and into the trunk of her car.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s the\nproblem.  Some people, and I\u2019m speaking\nabout people in general, not just my wife. \n(Although I\u2019m really just talking about my wife), are quite comfortable\nasking their spouses to carry the rocks they find.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And, sadly,\nbecause I have adopted the \u201chappy wife, happy life\u201d philosophy, I have agreed\nto do so.  I am, for all practical\npurposes, my wife\u2019s beach rock Sherpa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But\nHallelujah!  This has come to an end!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You see, we\nlive in Oregon, and I recently discovered that Oregon has laws governing beachcombing!  (Yeah, I know!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are a\ncouple of laws that caught my attention:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oregon law\nallows for the collecting of – <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAgates and other non-living items such as shells, stones, and fossils loose on the ground, in small quantities, defined as no more than a one-gallon volume container per person per day; up to three gallons per person per calendar year.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, I don\u2019t\nwant to rat out my wife, but between you and me (let\u2019s keep this on the \u201cdown-low\u201d),\nI think my wife is stretching the boundaries of her three-gallon limit.  If the FBI subpoenaed me to testify, she\u2019d be\ngoing away for 5 to 10.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oregon law also sets a limit on the amount of sand and coble.  (Didn\u2019t we stop using coble in the Middle Ages?)  Oregon law enforcement officials should be relieved to hear that the only sand I take home from the beach is what get caught between my toes, and, of course, my butt cheeks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But HERE is\nthe law that has me rejoicing:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEach person collecting must use an individual container and may not combine collections in the same container with another person.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You read\nthat right!  Everybody\u2019s got to keep\ntheir own rocks in their own container! \nOr they go to jail, that\u2019s what!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thank you,\noverly bureaucratic and marginally communistic government of Oregon, for\nlifting this heavy burden off my shoulders \u2013 Literally!  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The only thing\nI\u2019m concerned about is that when I tell my wife I can\u2019t carry her rocks in my\nbag or I\u2019ll go to jail, she\u2019ll fire back that old retort:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSuck it up,\nButtercup!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My wife and I got hooked on beachcombing for rocks by our friend, who for the purposes of this column, I will refer to as, \u201cKaty,\u201d because her name is Katy. Katy is to rock collecting as an F-350 Ford pickup is to gasoline – She can\u2019t get enough.   Her appetite for rocks is NEVER […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2708,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[1022,1021],"class_list":["post-2707","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-rock-collecting-humor","tag-rockhound-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/Rocks.jpeg?fit=1433%2C1201","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2707","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2707"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2707\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2738,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2707\/revisions\/2738"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2708"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2707"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2707"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2707"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}