{"id":2593,"date":"2021-01-16T09:33:00","date_gmt":"2021-01-16T17:33:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2593"},"modified":"2021-01-16T09:33:04","modified_gmt":"2021-01-16T17:33:04","slug":"if-youre-going-to-attack-the-capitol-at-least-respect-the-institution-enough-to-wear-horns","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2593","title":{"rendered":"If You’re Going To Attack The Capitol, At Least Respect The Institution Enough To Wear Horns"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Authorities are investigating the assault on the U.S. Capitol to determine whether it was a coordinated attack.\u00a0 I have no\u00a0formal<\/em> training in crime scene reconstruction or political terrorism investigation.\u00a0 However, my youngest daughter, Emma, and I have<\/em> watched several seasons of Project Runway.\u00a0 So, I am in a position to offer an opinion on the subject. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is my\nconclusion:  These people can\u2019t coordinate their outfits, let alone a raid\non the Capitol.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should also add a warning for the Assistant U.S. Attorneys prosecuting the intruders.\u00a0 If you put me on your jury for one of these misguided souls, I\u2019m already heavily biased in your favor (i.e., I\u2019m as close to hanging juror as you\u2019re likely to find).\u00a0 As prosecutors, solely interested in justice, I know you love a biased juror. But hold your horses.\u00a0 Big\u2026 BIG\u2026 exception here:\u00a0 If you put me on the jury for the guy with the horns, be on notice.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to let that guy go.\u00a0 Nothing against you, America or apple pie, but I\u2019ve got to cut him loose purely<\/em> on style points.\u00a0 He demonstrated a level of respect for our sacred institution that deserves credit.\u00a0 I heard a couple of things about this guy through the biased media. \u00a0(I can\u2019t remember which biased media.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t matter – They\u2019re all<\/em> biased.)\u00a0 In any event, apparently, Mr. Horns is 33 years old, and he lives with his mother.\u00a0 As you can imagine, when I heard this, I was SHOCKED!\u00a0 (No word yet on whether his bedroom is in the basement.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On a personal note, I need to mention one thing.\u00a0 A couple of years ago, my wife and I spent a week touring Washington D.C.\u00a0 During the trip, we visited the Capitol.\u00a0 We had to make a reservation.\u00a0 We had to be on time.\u00a0 We had to wear clean underwear for the security inspection.\u00a0 (Okay, I didn\u2019t wear clean underwear.) \u00a0My point is this – If anyone had only told me that at the Capitol, a Viking helmet was the equivalent of a Disneyland \u201cFastPass,\u201d I would have slapped one on in an instant.\u00a0 And, LOVED IT!\u00a0 Talk about epic selfies!\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, in closing, with the average, unwashed, mass of intruders \u2013 Off with their heads!\u00a0 But I gotta send the Viking back to his mother. \u00a0Lord help the woman (or man) who marries him.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Authorities are investigating the assault on the U.S. Capitol to determine whether it was a coordinated attack.\u00a0 I have no\u00a0formal training in crime scene reconstruction or political terrorism investigation.\u00a0 However, my youngest daughter, Emma, and I have watched several seasons of Project Runway.\u00a0 So, I am in a position to offer an opinion on the […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2594,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[1003,1004],"class_list":["post-2593","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-capitol-assault-humor","tag-u-s-capitol-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/Horned-Intruder.png?fit=1284%2C1076","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2593","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2593"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2593\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2605,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2593\/revisions\/2605"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2594"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2593"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2593"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2593"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}